Ashley: So does this computer have the Internet downloaded on it?
Saleswoman (rolls eyes): Err... yes. You just have to open Internet Explorer, and...
/Ashley checks blog
Ashley: THERE IS FILTH LIKE THIS ON THE INTERNET!?! WHO ALLOWS PEOPLE TO PUT SUCH RACIST GARBAGE LIKE THIS ON THE WEB!?!
/Ashley storms out
(meanwhile at beNNate HQ...)
Pembry: I thought this thing had the goddamn Internet downloaded on it!
(door flies open...)
Ashley: Have you seen what your friend Brought has been posting on the Internet!
Pembry: 'Friend' is a rather strong word.
Ashley: He has been posting more racist hate speech against dactyls!
Pembry: Now honey, you know I don't share his views. Dactyls have an important role in society, as migrant workers, and janitors, and stuff.
Ashley: Right, and eventually they will lift themselves out of the lower class, a position they are in because of generations of discrimination and exploitation.
Pembry: Right. Sure. Whatever.
Ashley: So what are you going to do about this?
Pembry: Brought?
Ashley: You better do something, mister!
Pembry: Um honey, I'd remind you it's the future. Brought and I have been waging a brutal war against each other that has resulted in the deaths of tens of thousands of people. If I had the ability to just kill him, I would have done that ages ago.
Ashley: Well then you should donate money to the Society to Protect Dactyl Rights.
Pembry: Of course honey, let me just write that check.
Ashley: YOU BETTER ADD A WHOLE LOT OF ZEROES TO THAT CHECK MISTER!
/Pembry writes large check
Ashley: Thank you snookums! Now go say goodnight to our daughter.
Pembry (under breath): And not tell her that goddamn dactyl check came from her college fund.
(upstairs)
Pembrina: Dad get out of my room! You're such a loser!
Pembry: Honey, please stop playing with fire. You know that anything involving flammable material or explosives always goes awry in this house.
Pembrina: LEAVE ME ALONE! I SAID GET OUT!
Pembry: One second, honey.
/Pembry grabs broom and puts on infrared goggles.
Pembry: Git!!!!
/Pembry chases Invisibilboes from Pembrina's room
Pembry: Goodnight sweety.
Pembrina: Whatever.
(the next day...)
Pembry: The fuck is a firewall!?!
/Pembry calls Gap
Gap: Y'ello
Pembry: I need you to fix my computer.
Gap: Just buy a Mac!
Pembry: I can't. The goddamn mop made me throw a ton of cash at some dactyl charity.
Gap: (smugly) How progressive of you.
Pembry: I know. I am fine with dactyls. I am not some racist hick.
Gap: Whatever.
Pembry: Listen, are you gonna fix my computer?
Gap: Probably not.
/Gap hangs up phone
(door flies open...)
Pembry: Why are you all dressed up?
Ashley: I reminded you this morning, our daughter is bringing her new boyfriend home for dinner.
Pembry: Oh... right.
/Ashley and Pembry go downstairs
Pembrina: Dad, meet my boyfriend Pterrance.
Pterrence: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Pembry, it is so nice to finally meet you.
/Pembry spits out coffee
Pembry: The fuck!?!
Ashley: Pembry!
Pembry: ...
Ashley: It is nice to meet you, Pterrence.
Pembry: ...
(that night...)
Ashley: You were really quiet at dinner.
Pembry: You really want him dating our daughter! He looked like a gang member!
Ashley: He is a national merit scholar! He has a full ride to Brown!
Pembry: He looked like a gang member to me.
Ashley: THAT IS RACIST!
Pembry: I have no problem with pteros! They just better keep their dirty little ptero wings away from my daughter!
Ashley: DONT YOU USE THAT WORD, MISTER!
(Pembry and Ashley fight for hours and then Pembry falls asleep)
(meanwhile, in dream...)
Pembrina: Dad, meet my boyfriend Pterrence.
Pterrence: S'up
/Pterrence sips beer
Pembrina: Give me back my bra, Pterrence!
Pterence looks smugly at Pembry
Pterrence: Now I popped both your cherries.
Pembry: You smashed up my car you goddamn ptero!
/Pembry wakes up screaming
Voice: Nightmares?
/Pembry spins around
Pembry: GODDAMMIT! HOW DO YOU GET IN HERE!?!
Brought: Let's not get hung up on that. I believe you need my services.
Pembry: I don't need shit from you.
Brought: Really? So you are fine with having a bunch of ptero grand-kids running around? I mean if so, I'll just go into the bathroom where your wife is showering and congratulate her on her new family.
Pembry: Stay the fuck out of the bathroom!
Brought: So you do need my services.
Pembry: Listen, just keep this quiet, the last thing I need are accusations of racism in the beNNate Syndicate.
Brought: My services are always confidential. Now about compensation...
Pembry: It's fine, I will make the arrangements right away.
Brought: Good... good.
/Brought puts on robe
(the next day...)
Pembrina (crying): daddy, Pterrance's parents called, he didn't come home last night.
Ashley: We are putting up these signs.
Pembry: Well my darlings, I do hope he is OK, but when you hang out with the wrong crowd like he probably did...
Pembrina: I HATE YOU DAD!
/Pembrina runs out crying
/Ashley glares at Pembry
Pembry: So I'm on the couch tonight, right?
(meanwhile near quarry...)
/police officer vomits
Benson: This is the worst hate crime I have sever seen....
Police officer: i didn't know their wings even bent that way.
Stabler: They don't.
(meanwhile back at Brought's evil lair)
Emma: I am the Executive Vice President of beNNate, by the Rules, you cannot touch me.
Bilbo: Oh my sweet sweet Emma, there has been some corporate restructuring. As part of a deal I made with Pembry, you were laid off. But you have a new position in my organization. The benefits are very competitive...
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