Wacky Confession Wednesday

"I regularly place my hand on Jimbo's thigh when we hang out. He thinks it's because I want to make him uncomfortable and buttons him a little. In reality I'm just testing the waters to see if he's open to my advances and hoping I get the go ahead to molest him. This has been going on since he was a boy, though he's blocked out that part. Of course, he kind of had to, because as a boy he was open to my advances, and I, as an adult male, had a certain power of authority over him. I'd take him out for some KFC, then to see Penn State football practice, and then, after some horseplay, we'd sit on a bench in the locker room and I'd lightly place my hand on his thigh. Then, you know, we'd take our clothes off, turn on all of the showers and play slip-and-slide on the tile floor. One time I thought I was nailed dead-to-rights, but luckily a 20-something Gap wanted nothing more than to pin that poor child against the wall and drill him hard. A good time was had by all... except little Jimbo. He bawled for hours." -Brought

Years ago, I was masturbating in the Penn State mens' locker room. See, I'd been doing it for years. Something about the smell of sweat and hate just gave me such a raging clue.Anyway, I'm pounding away and I hear this sort of rhythmic slapping sounds. At first I thought it was just the echo from my own meat beating, but it continued after I stopped. It sounded like it was coming from the showers. I crept toward them, rapidly softening boner in hand. I peaked into the showers and saw the most horrible thing in the whole world: A filthy hoofer eating some old Granny Smith apples that had been left over from the yearly Penn State bobbing for apples charity function...Oh, and Brought was fucking Jimbo's ass to pieces. -Gap

When I was younger I was named by the King of England as feudal lord over a region of Scotland. Initially, the gig sucked but then the King implemented the policy of primae noctis. That made the new job pretty nice. Having to live in the shit town that is Scotland was a small price to pay for being allowed to deflower fair maidens on their wedding day. One day one of the maidens resisted and since I was given the right by the King I rightfully slit her throat. Well, it was just my luck because it turned out the bitch had just married Mel Gibson. I saw what that dude could do in Mad Max, so I blamed the whole mess on my underlings Amior Goldstein and David Mandelblum and got the hell out of there. But I heard Gibson was real pissed at Goldstein and Mandelblum. I guess he has gotten over it now. I am not sure, I haven't heard much about Gibson in a while, is he still doing movies?