Wacky Confession Wednesday

When I was young, I used to have quite the collection of porno. It was a simpler time, a time before computers. I had pictures, magazines, and VHS tapes filled with lovely porno. Obviously, I had to hide it around my room. The collection was too big for one location, so I used several small spots. One such spot was behind a picture that my grandmother gave me. I cut the back out and stuffed it with porno. Well, the one day, my stupid sister came into my room while I was sleeping. She backed up into the the wall and knocked the picture down. At that exact moment, my mother walked in to see what was going on. I was in a deep sleep mind you, but the instant I heard that picture strike the carpet, I sprang from my bed as though I had been fired from a cannon. I quickly picked up the picture and hung it back on the wall. I whirled around and cussed at my sister without thinking. My mother, puzzled, grounded me and asked me why I was behaving so oddly...my response was, "I sure do like that picture". -Gap

"A long, long time ago, in a heaven far, far away, I was an advisor to President God. Usually he and I saw eye to eye, deciding to build a whole little world to experiment with, creating man, creating evil woman, etc... The one place we differed was when he decided to send his son to Earth. I tried to tell God that his kid was a nerd and that he'd get bullied by the Romans, but no, no, he wouldn't hear it. Jesus is a good kid, he'd say, he'll fit in. So against my better judgement I let God send his nerdy little bitch son to Earth and what happens? The jocks promise Judas a seat at the table and the whole high school teases Jesus until he's nailed to a cross with the rest of the nerds. And for those wondering, yeah, he's a nerd in Heaven too. 2 weeks ago I gave him a swirlie. Even his dad has given up on him, cancelling his second coming in favor of economic collapse, nuclear apocalypse, and climate change. 'I'd rather have the world burn than let anyone know that nerd is my son,' he said. Then he gave Jesus a huge wedgie and everyone laughed. Especially Gabriel." -Brought