"Occasionally I will partake in reading erotic fiction because whereever I am (public restroom) won't allow for my usual choice of full volume hardcore porn. My problem is that I will sometimes come across a story that uses names of people I know which wrecks the old fantasy. I'll be strolling along, enjoying a story, boner in hand, and then BOOM! Suddenly Gap has shown up in my story and my wang has deflated. Now I have to go find another story to read. Oh, alright, this is a good one, OH MY GOD IT'S JIMBO! This can go on for hours at a time. Then of course I get the pounding on the restroom door from some barista or bookstore manager and it just ruins everything. That's when I have to wait behind the dumpster till close then rape and kill the asshole. Admittedly this feels wonderful, but really, I just wanted 10 minutes of privacy hours ago to JO. Just ten minutes. And now you're dead. Dick." -Brought
Years ago, I opened my own game preserve. It quickly turned into a game hunting preserve. It started out innocently enough. I was trying to sight-in the scope on my rifle and a giraffe walked onto the firing range. I took aim and fired. It was all downhill after I got that taste for blood. Soon I was flying in new animals and hunting them. When that got old, I began hunting humans. I've tried for years and years to lure Bilbo to my preserve, but that wily fuck won't get anywhere near my preserve. DAMN HIM! -Gap
Because of my love for memes and get rich quick schemes I decided to form a marketing company with a focus on marketing products to children using memes. After my "y u no buy Pepsi" campaign was a moderate success, I soon ran out of ideas. I realized for this to be a success I needed to utilize cutting edge memes. So I started scouring 4chan but soon found that their stuff is too cutting edge. You can't sell a product based on a meme no one has heard of. So then I decided to look for memes on Reddit, where you can find the memes that are starting to emerge as popular. So any time I saw a meme on Reddit, I'd tie it to a product and start marketing to children. Of course there are lots of subreddits out there so I went to one that is popular for memes, r/spacedicks (http://imgur.com/r/spacedicks) (WARNING: really really really NSFW). Now I am on this "sex offender registry" thing and facing numerous "felony charges." The goddamn authorities just don't understand memes. -Pembry
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