WHOA BOY! I SAY, I SAY, WHOA THERE!!!

(Weakthrust Annual Dating Show)

Turd: Hello, I'm Turd and I'll be your host for this evening. LOL.

Turd: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

/Ten minutes later

Turd: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL............LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Viv: Uh, I guess I'll just ask my first question. Bachelor number one.

Gap: Fucking WHAT!?!?!?

Viv: Wow, he sounds like a complete asshole. I'll just skip to the second bachelor.

Mr. Horse: Shoot!

Viv: Bachelor number two. What would our first date be like?

Mr. Horse: Oh gee, that's a good tough one. Um, well, what do you like to do?

/Gap rolls eyes

Viv: Well, I've never really been asked that before. Usually my bo- er, my Ex usually just makes me do stuff that he wants to do. This one time, he made me see The Dark Knight five times in theaters.

Mr. Horse: Oh, that's terrible.Well, I guess my answer is that we can do whatever you'd like to do on our first date. Also, i baked you these oats.





Gap: Those aren't even baked. You just yanked them out of ground with your dumb horse teeth and dropped them on the stage.

Mr. Horse: It's the thought that counts. Seems like that's what she's been lacking in previous relationships.

Gap: Oats?

Viv: Ok...Bachelor number three, same question.

Bachelor 3: Well, I'd take you out for a romantic dinner, dancing, and then we'd lay out and watch the sta-

Gap: Shut up, fag. I've seen how this ends: he's gonna try and fuck you someplace real uncomfortable.

Mr. Horse: Like an unclean horse stable?

Gap: No, like the ass. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmm.

/Gap spaces out and starts to daydream

Gap (singly softly):Ass fucking at night, Pew, Aaaaafternoon delight. Bewwwwwup.

Viv: Ok. I just have one final question for Bachelor number one.

Turd: Oh! That means we've entered our final round! You guys know what that means! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

/show ends and TV crowd files out

Turd: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Viv: Well, I guess the show is over...

Gap: Fucking thank God, let's get out of here, Viv.

Viv: Gap?

Gap (walking around stage divide): What?

Viv: That was you!

/Viv throws away final question card reading "James Franco, if that's you, please come over here and make sweet love to my face"

Gap: Yeah, now let's get out of here. That horse took a massive oat-filled shit  on the stage and it stinks something awful.

Mr. Horse: WAIT! Viv! What about that cake I baked you?

Gap: Yeah, I ate that. Then I shit it out and mailed it back to you. You should be getting some shit-filled Tupperware in the mail any day now. Enjoy!

Mr. Horse: But, Viv, please!

Viv (hopeful): Yes?

Mr. Horse: Let me see your tig old bitties...

(stage door flies open)

Pembry: You son of bitch! If anybody sees them tittays from this group, it's gon be me!

/Pembry punches out Mr. Horse

/Gap drags Viv off to watch Prometheus again