We're back!
/bawls
Years ago I built a death ray. I'd gotten so sick of being pushed around at work, home, and the porno theater. My penis isn't small, I just have gigantic hands! Anyway, I built this thing to get some much needed revenge. Problem was, the fucking this was so heavy I couldn't transport it with my truck. This led to me renting a U-haul for the day. Have you ever used one of those things? They're fucking terrible. Bad transmissions, breaks, and no A/C. It was a fucking nightmare and there were so many extras that I needed to rent, like additional straps, dollys, hand trucks and some extra cloths to protect it. I had more money invested in moving the thing than the actual construction of it. Ridiculous. This led me to form Gap's Towing and Truck rental company. Our motto is: "If we can't truck it, fuck it." -Gap
"I decided that for 2012, I would begin with a clean slate. A year without sin. I would try and do right by my fellow man. That's why I made sure that my annual 'NYE Times Square Grope and Rape Extravaganza' wrapped by 11:59pm this year. Of course at 12:01am I ran into some hobo that was just asking for it. Trust me, I know when urine stink is screaming 'Pound my ass like veal!' and this filthy bastard was asking for it. I did everything I could to turn away, but the little general would not allow it. He led me to that hobo's stinkspot like a damn divining rod. Oh well, maybe I can go sin-free in 2013." -Brought
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