This luxurious bachelor of opulence who will sweep you off your feet with a gold broom and cover your with his mink-lined arms. He is so sumptuousness that he's like human Viennetta! Not much is known about your future husband, but Glasstire (via Buzzfeed) says these gold-plated pictures starring him have been making the rounds in Eastern European blogs for years and have finally swept onto the shores of American blogs in a gilded swan. They come with this (very loosely translated) note:
?To all unmarried ones who would like to spend their life by my side and within all the beauties of my home. Please look below at all the magic of my home that I have decorated with taste, perhaps just for YOU. Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi, Contact: +33-#########?
Did you just feel a tingle? Get up out of your chair and you should find the miniature gold Faberg� egg decorated with beluga sturgeon sperm that your b-hole pushed out after reading that decadent note.
Your new husband could be some Serbian mobster or a Celine Dion's Russian interior decorate, but then again he could be the butler fronting for his Craigslist Moscow dating ad. It doesn't matter, though. It takes a certain king penguin-faced man to pull off dressing like a male Alexis Carrington while posing next to an heirloom passed down from the Grand Prospect Hall Dynasty, and your husband pulls it off. That's the only thing that matters.
Melania Trump is probably kicking herself in the taint for marrying simple, homely Donald Trump instead of this master of decadence. Excuse me, master of plastic-wrapped decadence.
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