Need Some Help, Mr. Missile?

Lemme get one thing outta the way right away: I am Team USA all the way these Summer Olympics (with a healthy dose of cheer for my native Peru, natch).

But as an admired of all hotties, male or female, I must offer to lend a helping hand where one is needed – you hear that, hot Aussie James Magnussen, a.k.a. “The Missile.”

So next time you’re about to compete and need to make any necessary adjustments, call me, fly me to wherever you are (I ain’t never been to your native Down Under – see what I did there?), and I will come.

Boy, would I ever.... I mean, look at that...nose! (Seriously, it is hella sexy.)

Photo: StanDrivel.com.

The New Hook

We knew he was coming, and now TV’s Once Upon a Time has found its Captain Hook.

And, darn, he gon’ be quite the dreamy villain.

The powers that be have cast raven-haired, blue-eyed Irish actor Colin O’Donoghuey (The Rite) in the pivotal second-season part.

The character will require the O’Donoghuey convey handsomeness, confidence, fearsomeness, gentlemanly style, and ruthlessness.

At first glance, I think this is gonna be a cinch for the guy.... He’s like, the second coming of Matt Bomer, IMHO.

Photo: BraveNewHollywood.com.

Easy Fix, Ryan Lochte – Just Call Me Not Maybe!

Contrary to what his mom – his mom! – may have said, Ryan Lochte, the sexiest douchebag in America, says he has never had a one-night stand.

Right....

“They took it [what his mother said to Today] out of context,” the Olympiad has clarified. “She meant since the last four years I just wanted to focus on swimming, and I didn’t really have time for a relationship.”

Well, now that your part in the games is pretty much done (he is done, right?), you should have no trouble at all getting your “Jeah”s off...so go run around London – or call me maybe.

Photo: PopOnThePop.com.

Change Is in the Air for the Coop

Anderson Cooper is in the mood to shake things up.

Not only did he (finally) come out of the closet last month, the Coop is enlivening Anderson, his daytime talk show, by literally taking the show live. Thus, Anderson will now be known as Anderson Live, and it will incorporate a live studio audience into the mix, as well as real-time feedback from social media.

Watch and listen to the silver fox himself explain what’s in store for the fall, y’all.

Bring on the giggles!

Photo: HollywoodReporter.com.

Can’t Keep K. Stew Down

Kristen Stewart is not going to let a little cheating scandal get in the way of her working it.

Her talent, that is.

The actress reportedly beat out Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence for the starring role in the adaptation of the 1951 William Styron novel Lie Down in Darkness.

K. Stew will play a young Virginian woman of the era who’s desperately trying to escape the limitations of her extremely dysfunctional home life.

Cue the art-imitating-life comments (Stewart is reported to have said in interviews past she was hoping to have something in her life that would, y’ know, upheave it all or som’in’ like that – careful what you wish for, huh).

Up next, though, Stewart has On the Road and, of course, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2.

Photo: FocusOntoFilm.com.

Update 1: Btw, Pattinson is said to be talking to Stewart again.

Update 2: OMG, watch what this break-up has done to poor Will Ferrell.

Potential Kicker

Luke Wilson may be getting Enlightened on HBO these days, but he still has his eye on the Benjamins.

The original Wilson brother is circling the starring role in Million Dollar Man, an indie comedy about a regular-Joe soda delivery driver who stumbles upon the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become a kicker for the NFL.

You know what this means, right?

Lots and lots of shots of the actor in a tight uniform – but only if dude shapes up (hes been looking a bit zaftig lately).

Touchdown!

Photo: BelfastTelegraph.co.uk.

Stupid Cupid

I guess maybe this means Russell Brand still believes in love, after all.

That’s because Katy Perry’s ex is attached to produce and star in a new project titled Cupid about a disenchanted version of the love god who’s compelled to create a perfect romance in the world.

Hope he doesn’t play it too dumb and bumbling and affected and aggroying and whatnot.

Photo: OriginMagazine.com.

Hot Lawyer Alert!

Once a lawyer, always a lawyer – just ask Peter Hermann.

The actor, whom you may recognize from TV’s Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, is headed to CBS’ Blue Bloods in the coming fall season.

Hermann, a.k.a. Mariska Hargitay’s beyond-handsome hubby, will play Bridget Moynahan’s ex on the show, a sharp attorney her character will – surprise, surprise! – face in court on the drama’s third episode back.

Loves it! ’Cause I totally heart the guy and think he should be a regular lead on some hit show double-pronto. Preferably on cable where he can cuss and go semi-nude as often as possible.

Photo: AllMovie.com.

Young Vet

This is why I heart TV’s Parenthood: The show doesn’t do stunt casting – it casts from the heart.

And that’s because the show’s mastermind, Emmy winner Jason Katims, is pretty genius.

Case in point, he’s gone back to a well we knows incredibly well (ha!) – that would be the ensemble of his other TV gem, Friday Night Lights – and tapped Matt Lauria to join the fourth season of his woefully underappreciated show.

The cutie-patootie actor is set to recur as a returning soldier from Afghanistan who strikes up a friendship with war vet Zeek Braverman (Craig T. Nelson).

Sooo looking forward to this and to the show’s return this fall.

Photo: Zap2It.com.

A Fifth Mission Coming Up?

Is Ethan Hunt getting for a fifth go at movie-theater domination (to capitalize on the success of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol?).

It would be a safe presumption given the tweet that Tom Cruise – or Camp Cruise – sent out tonight asking the star’s followers who they think would make a good villain in MI5.

Now, I will note they didn’t ask about a “potential” fifthquel. The query was pretty pointed.

As for my smart-ass answer? I suggested Nicole Kidman.

Hey, crazier things happen in Hollywood all the time. Plus, these two are pros. And it would like box office catnip to finally get some closure on that drama (for us...).

Photo: USAToday.com.

Getting Over K. Stew

They say the best way to get over a heartbreak is to keep rather busy.

Sounds like that’s exactly what Robert Pattinson is going to be doing....

The actor’s next movie, The Rover (a so-called futuristic western from Animal Kingdom director David Michod), is a officially a go, and will see R. Paz playing a hardened drifter who tracks down the gang that some of his stuff, gosh darn it.

It’s kinda just too easy, but I guess the guy won’t have trouble with the hardened part of his role, huh.

Photo: PlayerAffinity.com.

Sexiest Elephant Man

Leave it to a Sexiest Man Alive to handsome up a character thought of as all that H-O-T.

That’s what Bradley Cooper is doing on stage at the Williamstown Theatre in Massachusetts this summer, starring on a revised production of The Elephant Man?

You can catch Cooper hitting the boards, with Patricia Clarkson and Alessandro Novila, through Aug. 5 – so get, people...get!

Photo: UsMagazine.com.

Anatomy of a Non-feud, Tony Lucca-style

Ever wonder how Tony Lucca felt once the dust settled on his time on TV’s The Voice?

And by that, of course, I mean how the singer looked at his reported feud with Christina Aguilera, his fellow former Mouseketeer and one of the coaches on the show.

Well, I got to ask the guy when he stopped by FIU to perform at the university’s Summer Fest 2012 concert earlier this month. Check out what he had to say about his non-feud with “Queen Christina”:

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Team Tony Lucca!

Crowe Girl

Emma Stone is showing no sign of stopping.

The Amazing Spider-Man star has signed on the dotted line to lead Cameron Crowe’s next untitled love story.

No male co-star lead is in place yet, but I would and will suggest Crowe give a look-see at this Ryan Gosling guy.

The pair had an awesome rapport in Crazy, Stupid, Love, and I would adore to see them on screen again on a peppy note now that their Gangster Squad finds itself in the middle of a thematic conundrum to the massacre in Aurora, Colo.

Just sayin’, Cam....

Photo: Vogue.com.

From Lafayette to MLK

The cast of The Butler just got a shot of True Blood.

Nelsan Ellis, a.k.a. scene-stealing Lafayette on the HBO summer hit, has been tapped to play Martin Luther King Jr. in director Lee Daniels’ follow-up to Precious.

The actor joins a star-studded cast that includes Forest Whitaker in the titular role (a man who worked at the White House over the course of eight administrations), as well as Robin Williams, Jane Fonda, Oprah Winfrey, James Marsden, Alex Pettyfer, Minka Kelly, and Vanessa Redgrave, among others.

Photo: Posh24.com.

Dr. Horrible Is Coming to TV

The Whedonverse is smiling.

Looks like Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog – a project cult god Joss Whedon came up with during the writers strike of a few years ago – will see the light (or lack of) of your living room when it airs on The CW this fall.

Yes, the Neil Patrick Harris-starring labor of love is going broadcast on Oct. 9!

Swoon.

Photo: EW.com.

He Wants To Awaken Her

Prince Phillip is coming to TV’s Once Upon a Time.

No, not that one – the one that will try to awaken Sleeping Beauty (Sarah Bolger) from her slumber when the show comes back for another magical season in the fall...and he will be played by Julian Morris from ABC Family’s Pretty Little Liars.

Lots of new characters are headed to Storybrooke for the show’s sophomore season, including beanstalk enthusiast Jack, Mulan, and a to-be-cast Captain Hook.

That’s great, but what’s the ETA on Ariel and Prince Eric?

Photo: Coolspotters.com.

A Mortal Instrument

That cutie-patootie Kevin Zegers is getting a YA adaptation/potential franchise of his own.

Ish.

The Transamerica actor has scored a lead role in the anticipated Mortal Instruments: City of Bones based on the Cassandra Clare’s bestselling series about a seemingly ordinary girl (to be played by Lily Collins) who finds out the truth about her bloodline after her mother is attacked and taken by a demon.

Zegers is going to play the gay brother of another girl, and will be in conflict with Collins’ character because the guy he likes (a part that’s gone to Jamie Campbell Bower) is in love with her.

So much drama....

See how it all plays out when the movie arrives in theaters late next August.

Photo: CPPS90.com.

Potente Horror

So, is everyone going to be on the sophomore season of FX’s American Horror Story?

There’s, of course, the anthology’s MVP, the one and only Jessica Lange, plus Sarah Paulson, Zachary Quinto, Joseph Fiennes, Chloë Sevigny, Adam Levine, Jenna Dewan, Chris Zylka, and French actress Lizzie Brocheré,  among others, and now there’s also Franka Potente.

The German actress is set to play a patient at the 1960s insane asylum that will house the horrors the show has in store for a two-episode arc.

Well, since, again, everyone has scored part, Ryan Murphy – may I make my screen debut on American Horror Story next season?

Photo: FanPop.com.