Sunday, March 28, 2010

My New York City


Memorable New York City moments....

- A little girl, maybe 3 years old at most, in sparkling gold tights and very dramatic pig-tails, sits next to me on the subway just like a grown-up, with no help from her care-taker, and happens to sit on the edge of my coat. She doesn't notice, of course, but I feel a significant pull on my right side, and for the rest of the ride try not move too much so as not to disturb this little person, who sits quietly observing others in the subway, more like a grown-up than I've ever known myself to be. I am relieved when her stop comes before mine, so that I won't have to disturb her when I have to get up, and she gets off my coat and walks out with the same self-importance with which she had sat down on my coat earlier. I smile.



- My first day at Yoga to The People. Donation-based yoga (essentially, free yoga). Forty people in an unpretentious room, sweating, chanting, breathing, creating, moving, being moved, opening themselves up, all together, and all alone, with different missions but the same movements. I feel a sense of belonging and independence all at once, with such intensity I start to laugh, loudly. And no one, not one single person, judges me or asks me to be quiet. Most of the people around me, in fact, without knowing why, join me in my laughter.

- A spring day, always a relief after winter, and Washington Square Park is crowded as can be. I sit on the grass, get out my lunch, and eat it while soaking in the happiness and relief that surrounds me. Then a bunch of people get together, and start singing songs and playing instruments. They are fantastic, and crowds gather. A very old man is dancing along. Everyone is happy.

- It is summer in Bryant Park and on Monday nights they screen old films for free. I get there early, before the grass opens, and stand around, with hundreds of other people, all of us holding our blankets out, waiting for the grass to open. No one steps on the grass until the guard lets us. And as soon as he announces, "The Grass is Open", we all rush out, screaming, running as fast as we can to get the best possible square foot of grass that lets us see the screen. I sit close to the screen, I spread out my blanket. I pull out my pic-nic, my book, and take off my shoes. It's only 5pm. The movie doesn't start till 9.

- I perform a Greek Comedy throughout the parks of New York one summer, for free. We are wearing togas and many layers of sunscreen. It's hotter than anything I have ever known. We have been rehearsing this play for several weeks, we have songs and dances and jokes and many cute moments. There are people gathered in the grass waiting for us to perform it. They're sitting in the shade. We're under the sun. We do it, and the crowd loves us, even though our only thoughts throughout the whole performance are "Please, God, don't let me pass out". It was that hot.

- My friend Ashley and I go out drinking one night. We are looking for boys. We decide we're gonna pretend we're southern, because new york men love out-of-towners (they have commitment issues, see). We tell people we're from Tennessee. I think I'm even wearing my gold cowboy boots. People are intrigued. But we don't meet anyone. We laugh really hard though, because everything is funnier when you say it with a bad southern accent. We come home and my other friend, Kerri, who is staying with me during that time, is sleeping. We try to be quiet but we're still talking in a southern accent so everything is funny. The next day Kerri says she dreamt we were speaking in southern accents.

- I have friends over for election night, 2008. We are not very talkative. We are nervous. We eat cheese and crackers and drink beer. And then. Just like that. Barack Obama is elected president. No place on earth, I think, is happier than New York. The city literally explodes in screams. From the 14th floor of my building, we can hear people screaming all over New York. Most of us are crying. We walk to Union Square, and the city is a party. There are people on lamp posts. Everyone is so happy, so genuinely and purely happy, there's no choice but to join in the vibrations of the night. We know we are living through a unique moment in history, and we will be the ones to tell about it.

- I decide to go for a jog. A very unusual event. But it's a nice day, and I am inspired. So I go all the way down to the river and start my jog. It feels good. Then, with no real warning and quite suddenly, it starts to rain. Then it starts to pour. There is absolutely nowhere for me to seek shelter. So I keep jogging. And then I start running. I am running through the rain and it's thrilling. I run all they way back to my apartment, and when I get to my building, soaked and confusing my doormen ( I apologize a hundred times for dripping everywhere, but they're laughing at me), I feel like my soul has been cleansed. It's amazing.


There are hundreds more. These are just a few. In essence, I love New York. And what I love most is when it surprises me with moments of connectedness and truth.




Monday, March 22, 2010

Mary's Story

This was the very first poem I wrote in my very first poetry class in college, 6 years ago. I sat down and wrote it, and edited very little ever since. It is completely simple and yet I have always felt an attachment to it. It wasn't about me, I didn't actually know the circumstances of which the narrator in this poem speaks, but it seemed to all just come to me, like a fiction story that was somehow personal. And a couple of years later, I would play a character who went through these exact circumstances, and this same poem would surface again to help me find her heart. I share it here with you now.


Mary’s Story

So Mary came to me in a dream.
She told me how she lost her virginity.
You wouldn’t believe it unless you heard it.
She lost it to some guy, Doug,
who said she was a pretty girl.


He liked her lips.
She liked the way his hand felt on her cheek.
He said I love you baby.
She said Don’t you tell ok.
And then she was knocked up.
Mary wasn’t allowed to be knocked up you see,
and guess what, she went to
the same Doctor I went to!


But instead of digging into her and yanking it out,
Doctor said,
Mary I’ve got a brilliant idea.
Mary, legs spread open, naked and doped, couldn’t wait to hear this.
Doctor said,
I’m going to make you the mother of a prophet.
I’m going to give you an eternal virginity.
Mary, well she thought this sounded just swell.
But in my dream, just to me,
she confessed that maybe it wasn’t the best idea after all.


See, Doctor didn’t have any brilliant ideas for me.
He just shoved the whole world inside me it seemed,
and then I guess my vagina vomited it all out,
and somewhere in that mess was
my slaughtered baby.


Maybe he could’ve been a prophet too.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Ten Years Ago, or Laly meets Larissa

Since my last post was about my vision of myself in 10 years, it has me thinking of who I was ten years ago as well, and what that version of me wanted me to become, and what she'd say to me now. I decided 14-year-old Larissa and 24-year-old Larissa should meet and have a talk, so I wrote it out, and I used my left hand to write out my younger self's dialogue, since writing with my left hand gets me out of my head and lets that younger me really express herself, and then I replied as myself now, with my right hand. I hope this isn't too confusing. Here it is. I'm calling 14-year-old me by Laly because that was my nickname then, and an appropriate description of who I was as well.

Larissa: Hi, Laly.

Laly: This is kind of odd, I have to say, Larissa.

Larissa: You must think I'm old.

Laly: No, I'm relieved that you don't have pimples and that you're so pretty!

Larissa: You're beautiful. You don't know it yet, but you are.

Laly: People say that all the time. I still wish I was blonde. What happened to your nose? And your boobs?

Larissa: Plastic surgery.

Laly: Oh. Wow. It looks great.

Larissa: It'll hurt.

Laly: I'm afraid of pain.

Larissa: That is still the case.

Laly: Are you an actress?

Larissa: Yes. I am.

Laly: I'm so happy to hear that!

Larissa: You've just played Ophelia, right?

Laly: Yes! Oh my god. I loved it!

Larissa: I know. I still love that memory. You will do a loooot of Shakespeare, honey.

Laly: That's so exciting. So, like, what else have you done?

Larissa: Well, you know that TV show that you're completely obsessed with, Inside The Actor's Studio?

Laly: Yes!

Larissa: Well, I'm just gonna say this: you're going to get a lot closer to it than just watching it on TV!

Laly: Oh my god. Ok. That's amazing. What else? Are you married?

Larissa: (laughs) No, darling. I'm not married. I forgot- you're not a feminist yet. Oh, you're in for a ride. But don't worry, you will love so deeply, and you will be loved just as deeply, and it'll be wonderful. And I'm only 24!

Laly: I think I'm in love now. With two guys.

Larissa: I know. You're going to break both of their hearts. It's ok. Enough people will break your heart later on to make up for it.

Laly: That sounds painful too.

Larissa: It's delicious pain. And it's gonna make you a much better actress.

Laly: Ok. I can live with that. It's really cool seeing you. You seem totally awesome.

Larissa: Hah. Yeah. It's really cool seeing you too. I had forgotten how in love with life you are, how eager you are. How in love with life I am, how eager I am, I should say.

Laly: Well, I'm here to remind you. Always. And can you come by more often to remind me that I'm gonna have clear skin one day and nice boobs and pretty hair?

Larissa: Of course. You won't listen. But I'll try my best. And you should eat more. Your metabolism is really good, eat as much as you want. Diet later in life.

Laly: I'll try to remember that. Oh, and remember that there's nothing more important than integrity in acting. Please don't give in to social pressures, ever.

Larissa: Ok. Thank you for saying that. It's hard, being unemployed most of the time, and wanting people to like you.

Laly: I bet. But we're gonna be ok. I think we're doing really well so far!

Larissa: We are.

Laly: Ok, I gotta go call one of my friends and tell them about this because it's like totally awesome.

Larissa: Go for it! I'm totally posting this on my blog, I think it's amazing to talk to you. Bye for now, darling.

Laly: Bye. Hey, by the way, I'm your biggest fan.

Larissa: I know. And I'm yours.





me at 14 with shahar



me now.


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