Wacky Confession Wednesday

"Many years have passed since that infamous day. When I close my eyes, I can still see the dust swirling at my feet as I stood perfectly still, hand twitching, almost shaking, as it hovered above my holstered weapon. I looked from side to side, barely able to see my brothers at arms as I squinted to blink the sun from my eyes. The man across dirt street chewed straw between his gnarled teeth as he did the same. We knew we were equals, but also opposites. I could not let him walk away that day. As the sun reached its apex, the villagers scurried from the streets, looking for cover from the coming storm. I nodded to my right hand and began the march toward that final showdown. I saw my opponents hand move quickly towards his hip. I drew. I shot. We shot. And when the dust settled, we had achieved our goal. Those hideous men that had faced us were now dead where they'd once stood. The blood pooling at our feet. I bent down and plucked an item from the dead man's chest. Blew the dirty ground from it. Sorry sheriff, but this is my town now. Earp would be next. Whee! I'm a cowboy now!" -Brought

I used to be a well respected doctor, but that was before I got involved with Olympic athletes. See, I'm real patriotic, and I just can't stand to see good American men and women lose at anything. I get pissed when we go to war and don't win it inside the first 48 hours. Hell, I get mad when when some dirty foreigner gets into the NBA. Really? You're telling me there aren't any other better American players? Come on! It was those thoughts tumbling through my brain when I met Marion Jones. She was good, but with my help, she could be great. I started doping her with 'roids and she got real fast! Towards then end, her ass was so hard that I had was routinely bending the injection needle on it. God, that made my wang hard! -Gap

In the 1850s I was a railroad baron.  After spending millions of dollars and using up hundreds of Chinamen's lives I finally built a vast network of railways spanning from Boston to California.  I was as wealthy as could be at that point and living the high life.  One day Brought says to me that the railroad industry has a limited shelf life and I need to start thinking about the next big thing.  I thought him a fool but asked him what his grand idea was.  He responded, "Tying up women and leaving them on train tracks."  I had security escort him from my office.  Well. that asshole started leaving tied up women on the train tracks and the resulting lawsuits against the railroads for trains' poor breaking systems destroyed my profit margin.  Then the fucking automobile and plane came along and tanked my empire.  Meanwhile Brought's idea sparked the damsel in distress pulp magazine industry which eventually became the comic book industry.  So while I am sitting on a bankrupt transportation industry that only survives through massive subsidies from Congress, that asshole Brought is taking in a percentage of the box office from The Avengers and Dark Knight Rises.  Lesson fucking learned; never get in the way of that man and his plans for turning sadistic sociopathic murder into profit. -Pembry

The Olympics Are Coming

Ben Johnson Sets the World Record.... sort of



Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis might have been modern sprinting's biggest rivalry. Johnson set the world record in the World Championships at 9.83, but Carl Lewis was certain he could beat both Johnson and the record. Lewis had won gold in 1984 and was attempting to win 4 golds in '88. This would be first event. So Canada's Johnson lined up along side US favorite Carl Lewis and the stage was set for the most hyped 100 meters in the sport's history.

And then Ben Johnson destroyed the field. And the world record. 9.79 was about to become the biggest number in Olympic history.

And then Ben Johnson tested positive for steroids. And 9.79 was a myth.

And Carl Lewis technically won his 4 gold medals.