Starring Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Ashley Tisdale! Oh joy! Tell your friends to come to Weak Thrust, your #1 source for all things Call Me Maybe.
Are you happy you goddamn plebeians? For years, I have bestowed upon you the most creative and cutting edge material by way of my brilliant skits and posts. And obviously that has been reflected in my dominance of Weak Thrust's Monthly Popular Posts. And how I am I thanked? By you fuckers making one of Gap's post the most viewed post this month. What is that post you ask? It' is nothing but a goddamn picture! This goddamn picture:
THIS IS WHAT YOU PEOPLE CALL ENTERTAINMENT!?! JUST A FUCKING PICTURE???
You know there was a day when I would pander to the masses with pictures and memes of Casey Anthony for that sick bastard Mad Rocket Scientist. But apparently Mad Rocket Scientist is some sort of goddamn artist now who makes custom decals and is too cool to come fap to Casey Anthony exclusive nude pics. (Note to Tommy and Mr. Horse, related to this Mad Rocket Scientist blog, please see message at the bottom of post which is just for you.)
But no, I won't pander and maybe one day you commoners will realize what you have missed out by craving this cookie-cutter, mainstream garbage.
(door flies open...)
Eugene: Um Mr. Pembry, I believe you have a bit of selective memory in regard to the popularity of your posts.
Pembry: The fuck you just say to me?
Eugene: This post suggests that your skits and other "creative" posts arewhat generated traffic to this blog. In fact it was, and remains your posts about memes. People aren;t coming here because they enjoy your material, they are driven here because you post about memes. It was the same childish material that you are now condemning in Gap's post.
Pembry: Like hell it is! Right now my Olivia Munn poetry post is one of the top viewed posts!
Eugene: Probably because people are doing image searches for those pics.
Pembry: Fuck you, you goddamn fact checker. Hell, no one reading this post probably even knows who you are. And why? Because they did not take a little bit of time out of their day (say 15-20 hours) to click on our "skits" tag so they could get up to speed on all of the inside jokes and self-referential humor that makes this blog so great. Mr. Horse did that, and that's why he is the second most popular commenter on this blog, and he would be first if he was a hot Dane in her mid-twenties with the cutest smile in the world and what I can only assume are the most perk...
(dog door swings open)
Gap Dog: Bark!
Pembry: What?
Gap Dog: Bark!
Pembry: No, I'm not being creepy!
Gap Dog: Bark!
Pembry: Fine, I'll stop. Not that the damn readers of this post have any idea who you are. Fine, whatever. OK readers, if you want this mainstream shit, ,here you go. I'll post all things Call Me Maybe, and all things related such as Justin Bieber nude pics or Justin Bieber Selena Gomez sex tape. Hell, I will even post updates relating to that strumpet mop. Why did I call Ashley Tisdale a strumpet mop? READ THE GODDAMN SKITS YOU ASSHOLES AND FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES! I AM NOT HERE TO HOLD YOUR HANDS!
And fine, you want some memes! Here!
Get it? Call me Maeby! It's a reference to Arrested Development, another masterpiece that failed because you goddamn plebeians can't go back and watch old episodes so you get all the self-referential jokes. Fuck this, maybe Emo Ostrich is right.
Special Note to trolls Tommy and Mr. Horse re: Mad Rocket Scientist's new blog:
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