Call Me Maybe Meme: Exclusive Remix!

Hey commoners!  It's the new hot celebrity lip dub of the hot new pop song, "Call Me Maybe!"



Starring Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Ashley Tisdale!  Oh joy!  Tell your friends to come to Weak Thrust, your #1 source for all things Call Me Maybe.

Are you happy you goddamn plebeians?  For years, I have bestowed upon you the most creative and cutting edge material by way of my brilliant skits and posts.  And obviously that has been reflected in my dominance of Weak Thrust's Monthly Popular Posts.  And how I am I thanked?  By you fuckers making one of Gap's post the most viewed post this month.  What is that post you ask?  It' is nothing but a goddamn picture!  This goddamn picture:

THIS IS WHAT YOU PEOPLE CALL ENTERTAINMENT!?!  JUST A FUCKING PICTURE???

You know there was a day when I would pander to the masses with pictures and memes of Casey Anthony for that sick bastard Mad Rocket Scientist.  But apparently Mad Rocket Scientist is some sort of goddamn artist now who makes custom decals and is too cool to come fap to Casey Anthony exclusive nude pics. (Note to Tommy and Mr. Horse, related to this Mad Rocket Scientist blog, please see message at the bottom of post which is just for you.)

But no, I won't pander and maybe one day you commoners will realize what you have missed out by craving this cookie-cutter, mainstream garbage.

(door flies open...)

Eugene: Um Mr. Pembry, I believe you have a bit of selective memory in regard to the popularity of your posts.

Pembry: The fuck you just say to me?

Eugene: This post suggests that your skits and other "creative" posts arewhat generated traffic to this blog.  In fact it was, and remains your posts about memes.  People aren;t coming here because they enjoy your material, they are driven here because you post about memes.  It was the same childish material that you are now condemning in Gap's post.

Pembry: Like hell it is!  Right now my Olivia Munn poetry post is one of the top viewed posts!

Eugene: Probably because people are doing image searches for those pics.

Pembry: Fuck you, you goddamn fact checker.  Hell, no one reading this post probably even knows who you are.  And why?  Because they did not take a little bit of time out of their day (say 15-20 hours) to click on our "skits" tag so they could get up to speed on all of the inside jokes and self-referential humor that makes this blog so great.  Mr. Horse did that, and that's why he is the second most popular commenter on this blog, and he would be first if he was a hot Dane in her mid-twenties with the cutest smile in the world and what I can only assume are the most perk...

(dog door swings open)

Gap Dog: Bark!

Pembry: What?

Gap Dog: Bark!

Pembry: No, I'm not being creepy!

Gap Dog: Bark!

Pembry: Fine, I'll stop.  Not that the damn readers of this post have any idea who you are.  Fine, whatever.  OK readers, if you want this mainstream shit, ,here you go.  I'll post all things Call Me Maybe, and all things related such as Justin Bieber nude pics or Justin Bieber Selena Gomez sex tape.  Hell, I will even post updates relating to that strumpet mop.  Why did I call Ashley Tisdale a strumpet mop?  READ THE GODDAMN SKITS YOU ASSHOLES AND FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES!  I AM NOT HERE TO HOLD YOUR HANDS!

And fine, you want some memes!  Here!

Get it?  Call me Maeby!  It's a reference to Arrested Development, another masterpiece that failed because you goddamn plebeians can't go back and watch old episodes so you get all the self-referential jokes.  Fuck this, maybe Emo Ostrich is right.

Special Note to trolls Tommy and Mr. Horse re: Mad Rocket Scientist's new blog:

/spits out snake venom

A cobra was missing for weeks and they finally found it!?! Hey mainstream media, a small request. When a goddamn cobra is on the lam somewhere in the continental United States, I want to hear about that shit right away. That's the news I care about! That the killing machine is eventually caught isn't the breaking news, that is just the part where I can finally sleep at night because our national nightmare is over. So from now on, when a goddamn cobra goes missing anywhere within a 2000 mile vicinity of me you get that shit on the wire right away so I can hole up in my underground bunker. Wait, do cobras live in underground burrows? FML.

Oh and if the lateness of your story wasn't bad enough, the contents of the story pisses me off even more. So let me get this straight. Some lady accidentally lets her cobra loose, causing a national crisis rivaling the Three Mile Island meltdown. She then finds the thing under her dresser (wouldn't "under your furniture" be the first place to look for a goddamn snake?). She then calls the police and when an officer shows up, she "advised the officer how to handle the snake, how to free it from the glue board and how to get it into an aquarium to turn over to her nonprofit wildlife education group." If you are such the goddamn expert, then why don't you fix your own screw-up and handle your own deadly poisonous snake that you accidentally released rather than stand back and "advise" some police officer how to handle it.



See, was that so hard?



OK, quit screwing around!



Oh damn!

/advises police officer there is dead lady in house

/skulks away


(By the way, after googling pics for this post, I have discovered there are a plethora of sick fetishes out there involving snakes. Women inside snakes. Snakes inside women. Snake as a nickname for a penis. I haven't seen reptiles degrading women like that since the ptero porn. We need to jump on this bandwagon fast! I am sure Mad Rocket Scientist would love that shit.)

Where's Cat?

BREAKING NEWS: Tons of dead fish appear on, then disappear from Norwegian beach



Seriously, who is slaughtering hundreds of thousands of herring and littering Norway's beaches with them?

I'll tell you who. Weak Thrust enthusiast Cat Jensen has disappeared of late. But being that she is a supervillain, the fact that she has gone dark can only mean she is up to no good. And we have already established that she hates Norway. And loves salty fish. Clearly she is unhappy with the content of Weak Thrust of late and is acting out her revenge on the poor men and women of Norway. Then going back later and eating all those fish. Come back to us Cat! Weak Thrust only exists to please you. Tell us how to pander to you, our queen!

(dog door swings open)



Pembry: What?

Gap Dog: Bark!

Pembry: No, I'm not being creepy!

Gap Dog: Bark!

Pembry: It's not like I suggested we should hobble her so she can't leave us again. We have done that skit like four times already.

Gap Dog: BARK BARK BARK!

Pembry: Come on guy!

Meh. Listen Cat, you disappeared and we miss you. But not in a creepy way. In summation:



If this doesn't work we are going to go back to just trolling Mad Rocket Scientist.