Too Bad No One Invented Warlord Pembry Bullets

(door flies open)

Ah, the Henderson family.  Holed up in your home.  You thought ahead and bought lots of canned goods before the mad rushes and rioting started and you have been able to survive, hiding in your basement while the zombies overran the neighborhood and killed everyone else.  How very fortunate for you.  However, my men here are going to be taking this food.  Not fair you say?

/orders men to shoot oldest son

There, now you have one less mouth to feed.  No men, shoot him in the head again, we don't need this one coming back.  Anyway, as I was saying, we are going to be taking your food.  Consider it a tax.  As payment for me protecting your daughters.  You look confused.  No, they will be coming with us.  My men get antsy when there are no women around.  These girls will help the men de-stress after a long day of slaughtering zombies and rape and pillage.  Men, grab the girls.  I know mom, this is terrible and I can appreciate your sorrow, but please don't cry.  At least they won't be eaten by zombies.  OK men, let's head out.  Shoot anything that moves outside.  Zombie or not, who cares.

/pats oldest Henderson daughter on head

God, this world was made for me!

/tries to call Gap to smugly brag

Oh shit, that's right, the cell phone networks are down.

The Zombie Upside

Listen Brought, if aliens invade, there is no use even worrying about it, we have no chance of survival.  Your best hope is that you are one of the humans they take up to get anal probed, rather than just killed with the masses.

To be clear I fucking hate zombies.  On the other hand, I feel like I would really soar in society destroyed by zombies.  In the anarchy that ensued as society broke down, certain individuals would emerge to become corrupt warlords, like this Governor character in Walking Dead next season.  And if there is one thing I am good at, it's getting elected into leadership positions and then exploiting my office.  I am on board with zombie anarchy if it means I can send packs of armed men to ravage the countryside, striking even more terror into the hearts of the poor people already pushed to the brink by zombie hordes.  Yeah I will mourn the loss of my loved ones... by burying my face into the sweet sweet bosoms of my harem girls and crying.  Or taking out my frustration by making two peasants fight to the death for a chunk of bread.

Yeah this is a zombie's world out there.  But it's also Warlord Pembry's world.

But when the robots come?  Aint no one gonna exploit that shit, robots gon' kill errybody up in here.