Friday, June 8, 2012

Too Bad No One Invented Warlord Pembry Bullets

(door flies open)




Ah, the Henderson family.  Holed up in your home.  You thought ahead and bought lots of canned goods before the mad rushes and rioting started and you have been able to survive, hiding in your basement while the zombies overran the neighborhood and killed everyone else.  How very fortunate for you.  However, my men here are going to be taking this food.  Not fair you say?

/orders men to shoot oldest son

There, now you have one less mouth to feed.  No men, shoot him in the head again, we don't need this one coming back.  Anyway, as I was saying, we are going to be taking your food.  Consider it a tax.  As payment for me protecting your daughters.  You look confused.  No, they will be coming with us.  My men get antsy when there are no women around.  These girls will help the men de-stress after a long day of slaughtering zombies and rape and pillage.  Men, grab the girls.  I know mom, this is terrible and I can appreciate your sorrow, but please don't cry.  At least they won't be eaten by zombies.  OK men, let's head out.  Shoot anything that moves outside.  Zombie or not, who cares.

/pats oldest Henderson daughter on head

God, this world was made for me!

/tries to call Gap to smugly brag

Oh shit, that's right, the cell phone networks are down.

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