Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Ask Gap Theory

Dear Jim Pembry,




  I fucking told you! I fucking told you not to watch that shit! Now look at you. Netflix has fucked you good. Sadly there is no easy way to clear your Netflix history. You'll just have to open a bunch of movies until it clears out that horrible movie from your history.

Let this be a lesson to you. When you want to watch movies that will make other people judge you in a harsh light, don't use Netflix. Just rent them from your cable provider, or buy them on the (pay someone to make them. WINK!) black market, masturbate to them once and put them in a safe in your office. Then, when you die, it's your wife's problem. Hopefully that old bitch won't be so appalled that she calls Nic Cage and has him do a full-on investigation into the authenticity of said film. That'll just end up getting a few good men killed. Do you want that on your dead conscience? I didn't think so.

Love,
 
  Gap

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