Gap's Movie Corner

A few weeks ago I finally forced myself to watch The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence). What a bad idea that turned out to be. I even made the mistake of trying to eat during the movie.


I didn't like the first one and the second one sucked just as much. Tom Six is a complete shithead, and this time around he tried to shoehorn in a message...Thanks Tom.


THC II basically brings up the age old debate about violence in films and TV somehow relating to violence in reality*. The main character is obsessed with THC and he fantasizes about creating a 12-person centipede. He basically starts collecting people and bringing them to this large warehouse. I should also mention that the character never utters a single word the entire time (good call Tom, what's the point). As the movie goes along we learn that he lives at home with his abusive mother and his shrink is trying to fuck his chubby little ass. There isn't actually a whole lot of extremely gory stuff for the first 3/4's of the movie. I think at one point he bashes his mother's head in and props her up at the dinner table with her destroyed dome, but that's really the extent of the gore. It's also filmed in black and white because Tom thinks it's more disturbing that way. Yeah, that B&W sure scared the shit outta me.

Anyway, dummy finally gets everyone rounded up and he being to assemble his HC. Tom Six actually managed to get the one girl that starred in the first HC to do a cameo as the actress who played the character (I'm the dude playin' the dude disguised as another dude!).


It gets pretty gory from here. There's a lot of close shots of teeth being knocked out, ACLs being pulled from knees and cut with scissors, assholes getting sewn to faces and so on. Just lovely stuff. When he finally gets all 12 stitched up he jumps around all pleased with himself and proceeds to wrap his dick with barbed wire and fuck the end of the HC. Now THAT is romance. I didn't like it though because everyone was shitting and they showed poo coming out. Nobody is going to fuck and ass with poo shooting out of it. Not even Bilbo.

People in the HC begin to die shorty after the poo-filled ass fucking. Probably from boredom. Dummy gets all upset and begins to shoot them. The one chick playing herself breaks free from the HC and shoves an actual centipede up the guy's asshole. Nicely done. I believe he shoots and kills her, but I had almost completely tuned out at this point. Also, there was a pregnant chick that ended up getting away, but she was so pregnant that you couldn't see any bush, which isn't hot.

Then Tom did a smash-cut to the parking garage where Dummy works and wouldn't you know it, he imagined the whole thing! Well, knock me down with a feather wrapped in barbed wire. What a great ending...I guess he wrote himself into a corner and took the easy way out. Thanks.

*-we were raping and killing long before TV, Movies, and the Internet. Sooooooo shut up.

Gap's Movie Corner

Oh. My. God. Shut the fuck up, Hugo. What a horrible movie. I went in expecting something wonderful and ended up smashing my remote. Fuck Hollywood. Self-centered assholes standing around congratulating one another for being sooooooooo amazing. Shut the fuck up before I drive out there and fist fuck you all to death. Jesus, I've never seen the grass-fuckers in Hollywood try to suck their own dicks so hard before. Hugo is essentially a movie about how wonderful movies are. They try to shoehorn in a message about fixing broken things, but it gets lost in all the cum-chugging.

You wanna watch Hugo? Here, watch Tonight, Tonight with the sound off while playing any Sean Penn acceptance speech.





There, you just watched Hugo.

I'm beginning to hate Hollywood more and more, they stand around jerking each other off as though they're solving world hunger...We live in a world filled with famous-for-nothing celebrities and retards getting on the "Kony's a weally, weally, weally, bad guy so we'd better send out this youtube link bandwagon". Everyone just shut the fuck up. I just want to watch an original movie that keeps me entertained for two hours. THAT'S IT!

You overpaid fucks ever make something like this again and there will be trouble.

Here are the most stressful jobs in America. The next time Actor shows up on there, you fags can make another movie about how wonderful you are. Until then, shut the fuck up.

Oh, Pembry, I fixed those memes: