Wacky Confession Wednesday

"My newest hobby is hiding in the bushes outside of Gap's house and listening to him watch movies. I can't see him because he keeps the blinds closed, but I can hear him. And it's weird. For instance, when watching horror movies, he never JO's to the intricate death scenes and instead pleasures himself to the happy ending where the survivors are hugging each other. I knew he was a sick fuck, but what the hell? JOing to smiles and joyful crying? What kind of perv does that? Three days ago I caught up with him watching Julius Caesar. I know, strange right? Then he just starts pounding the hell out of himself during Charlton Heston's eulogy and screams 'Friends, Romans, countrymen, BOOM!' Then he bawled. A lot. And that's when I finally got mine." -Brought

I've been watching Game of Thrones a lot lately and it's really gotten me into Carrier Pigeons as a means of communication. I've amassed roughly 30 pigeons. I send them out with messages daily. Most of them go to Sean Bean, but I've also sent a few to some other people. Here are some messages I sent the other week:

"I don't care how famous you get, if I ever see you in public, I'll shove a trident up your cunt, Elle Fanning."

"Clive, how could you want Julia Roberts over Natalie Portman? That old bitch is disgusting! Kudos for sticking it to Jude Law though."

"Dear Albert Fish, love your work."

"Viv, we're out of low fat cottage cheese and paper towels."

"Turd, thanks for raising my children as your own." -Gap

Better Know a Meme: Kony 2012, Part 3

The meme is still going strong. Better yet, the trolls are coming out in full force and reinforcing that hoofers truly are the fuckers of the internet. Oh and it turns out the organization that is behind Kony 2012 is super controversial and only gives a tiny fraction of its donations to actual services in Africa and keeps most of it for their own salaries and film production. Also, that money they do put into Africa goes to the Ugandan army and Sudan People’s Liberation Army who are both riddled with accusations of rape and looting themselves. Sorry, Turd. On the other hand, since hipsters posting a video on facebook does absolutely nothing, I guess we don't have to be worried that there will be more rape and looting.

Gap's Movie Corner

Oh. My. God. Shut the fuck up, Hugo. What a horrible movie. I went in expecting something wonderful and ended up smashing my remote. Fuck Hollywood. Self-centered assholes standing around congratulating one another for being sooooooooo amazing. Shut the fuck up before I drive out there and fist fuck you all to death. Jesus, I've never seen the grass-fuckers in Hollywood try to suck their own dicks so hard before. Hugo is essentially a movie about how wonderful movies are. They try to shoehorn in a message about fixing broken things, but it gets lost in all the cum-chugging.

You wanna watch Hugo? Here, watch Tonight, Tonight with the sound off while playing any Sean Penn acceptance speech.





There, you just watched Hugo.

I'm beginning to hate Hollywood more and more, they stand around jerking each other off as though they're solving world hunger...We live in a world filled with famous-for-nothing celebrities and retards getting on the "Kony's a weally, weally, weally, bad guy so we'd better send out this youtube link bandwagon". Everyone just shut the fuck up. I just want to watch an original movie that keeps me entertained for two hours. THAT'S IT!

You overpaid fucks ever make something like this again and there will be trouble.

Here are the most stressful jobs in America. The next time Actor shows up on there, you fags can make another movie about how wonderful you are. Until then, shut the fuck up.

Oh, Pembry, I fixed those memes: