Songs We Used to Love

/sits down at piano

Ahem

/begins playing Elton John's Candle in the Wind

Goodbye NBA

Though I’ve never

Been so appalled,

You sold your integrity

So Lebron would win it all

Your refs took down the Pacers,

And for Boston there was fixing

All so he could win

And get that precious ring

And it seems to me

That something stinks

Like a wet fart in the wind

/smashes piano to pieces

Ah, that feels better. Also, my schedule has really cleared out now that I'm restricting myself solely to Laker games for the next 5 years. Where's football? Hey football, come here boy! Come here!

/football runs over with tail wagging

Oh that's a good little football. You want a cookie? Yeah boy? You want a cookie? Alright, give me paw. Aww.. that's such a good boy. I'm dedicating this song to you little buddy.

Thanks Axel. I feel much better now.

What a horrible time to turn 30

Well, my birthday is quickly approaching and through sheer happenstance two terrible things will damn near coincide with it. Well, I guess the one isn't really terrible...but the other one is just the WORST.

First:

Kidtouch McWeirdo is gonna be sentenced real soon. Bilbo and I disagree on many aspects of this whole shit show, but we can both agree that this trial coming to an end is a good thing. Let's get the verdict, punishment, and sentencing over with so the community can pick up the pieces and the program and continue on.

Now, onto the WORST one!

LBJ finally gets his championship. Bilbo kept saying that OKC was gonna pull it out, but we all knew better after The Heat went up 2-1. At first I was pissed knowing that he was finally gonna get one and act like a complete asshat, but I could really give a shit now. In the morning, he's still the same jackass he always was. He'll go down in history as one of the greatest to ever play the game, but he still had to team up with another superstar to get it done. Enjoy getting booed for the rest of your career.

/smashes house

Well, James is finally getting his ring this year. I just can't wait to listen to his smug post-game interviews and press conferences. I can almost guarantee he'll release some commercial rubbing it in everyone's faces. Seriously, just go to hell and die.

Nice hipster glasses, fag. You know who never thought to accessorize like a jackass after a game one finals loss? EVERY FUCKING GREAT PLAYER EVER! You make me sick. Just take your fucking trophy and go away. Your very presence has ruined the last two finals for me.  It's just like when the Patriots are in the post season, I can't enjoy it until I know they're gone.

I miss you so much.

The Lebrons

Last night I was watching the NBA playoffs and praying that Lebron would blow out his ACL. It got me thinking. I flipped open the old PC and watched this beauty.




My God, we used to love Lebron. He was an icon above reproach just a few short years ago. My how the times have changed. He had a million commercials, and the collective goodwill of just about everyone in the USA. By all accounts, he seemed like a nice guy too. He interviewed well and let his game do the talking. Sure, he wasn't a killer, but that just endeared you more to him. You wanted to root for him to get that championship. He deserved it. He put in the time at the Cavs, busted his ass really.

I think about those days and cannot believe that was the same guy. What the fucked happened? Was that all just a charade? Were you secretly just a huge cocksucker the entire time, or did your friends help you work at it?

It doesn't really matter at this point, keep being dismissive in your interviews and continue to be the villain. There is nothing he could ever do to win back the fans or media. GOOOO everyone in the NBA, except The Heat.