What a horrible time to turn 30

Well, my birthday is quickly approaching and through sheer happenstance two terrible things will damn near coincide with it. Well, I guess the one isn't really terrible...but the other one is just the WORST.

First:

Kidtouch McWeirdo is gonna be sentenced real soon. Bilbo and I disagree on many aspects of this whole shit show, but we can both agree that this trial coming to an end is a good thing. Let's get the verdict, punishment, and sentencing over with so the community can pick up the pieces and the program and continue on.

Now, onto the WORST one!

LBJ finally gets his championship. Bilbo kept saying that OKC was gonna pull it out, but we all knew better after The Heat went up 2-1. At first I was pissed knowing that he was finally gonna get one and act like a complete asshat, but I could really give a shit now. In the morning, he's still the same jackass he always was. He'll go down in history as one of the greatest to ever play the game, but he still had to team up with another superstar to get it done. Enjoy getting booed for the rest of your career.

Gap blew some money (and not on hookers this time!)

Yesterday I went out and bought a pair of Nike Free Trainer 5.0's.

Typically I always bought running shoes and used them as my workout pair too. Needless to say, I've run through them like Bilbos running through 4 year olds at a Chuck E. Cheese.

I'm really hoping these babies hold up. I hate it when my shoes start to literally fall off my feet after a few months of wear. I'm not a big fan of Nike. I used to hate their running shoes, but these have gotten such glowing reviews, I figured I'd give those jerks another chance.

I used them yesterday and was very impressed. They do take some getting used to as the lacing system literally is a glove that wraps around your foot. When I first laced them up, I went balls-out and pretty much cut the circulation to my feet off. You really have to back off the amount of pressure you put on the laces when you're drawing them up. Once they're on, it feels like the shoe is wrapped around your foot. Just lovely. I was actually only in the gym, so I didn't get to really go nuts, but they provided excellent stability.

GOD I HOPE THEY HOLD UP, THEY WERE SO EXPENSIVE!

Goodbye Dickface

Today we bid adieu to one of the dirtiest players to ever play the game.

So long, you blindsiding asshole.



You've really made a wonderful career out of killing people when they weren't looking. I'm so glad Ed Reed ripped your head off a few times. Obviously it doesn't make up for the numerous times you put some poor guy out of the game, but it helps.

Now, go try and get on ESPN with Rodney Harrison. Maybe you see which one of you assholes can talk about how things aren't done "The Steeler Way" or "The Patriot Way" anymore? God, I hope you both die.

MIA

Some of you may have been wondering where I've been the last few days...I've been sick. Super sick! See!



Tommy Jarvis has also been MIA for a while too. Well, old Tommy got married, got a new house, AND got a new job. I know, too much on his plate. What a dummy. He also did this:



Yup, he crashed his new car. Ran a stop sign and collided with an old women, if I'm not mistaken. He fixed it up with some duct tape, so it's good as new now.

Gap's Devastatingly Sad Super Bowl Preview (Shut the fuck up Bilbo edition!)

Shut the fuck up, Bilbo. Waaahhhaaaaaa, my team is the Super Bowl again! Guess I better piss and moan about it.

The Giants have already completely fucked themselves, so I don't know what he's crying about. Players guaranteeing victory and websites pre-congratulating the Giants all add up to a crushing defeat at the hands of those assfag New England Patriots. It's been extremely depressing this entire week knowing that they're gonna get this one and we'll all have to listen to Bilbo, Bill Simmons, and Peter King talk about Boston being the greatest sports town in the known universe. Yeah, because other places don't cheer as hard as beantown. Fuck you. I wish you all painful deaths.

Dear New Madden,

This guy sucks:



Also, your new roster update has made the 49ers unbeatable. I first found out when I went to play Madden online. The guy picked the 9ers and I picked the Texans. I thought it was fair until the first snap of the ball. He blew the doors off me until I threw the remote and held the power button in on the PS3. I know, I'm a really good sport.

Anyway, the fucking 9ers aren't that great. Making Alex Smith really good and Vernon Davis unstoppable is stupid. Brady and Gronk should be the players with that ability...because they're going to the Super Bowl this year and all they had to do was beat Tebow and Flacco. How the fuck is that fair? Could they get any luckier? They already have three fucking Super Bowls...maybe make it a little harder? Go fucking die. I don't care what Bilbo says, I'm driving to his house and punching his head from his body when NE wins the SB this year. So, enjoy those 7-10 seconds after NE wins, because your life will be abruptly ended...and don't worry, you wife and child shall meet you in the afterlife.

/pulls out sword

No, I will not give you a clean death.

Love,

Gap

Keep it up!

The horse shit Protect IP act may be amended! Three cheers for freedom!

Senator Patrick Leahy, massive fag and huge fuckface

said Thursday he plans to offer an amendment that would require a study of the impact of the ISP provisions in the bill before they are implemented.

AND..."If the study found negative impacts, it's likely the ISP provision would be killed. The Senate is scheduled to begin debate on PIPA on Jan. 24."

HAW HAW HAAAAWWWW



The biggest opponents of this and SOPA are literally the guys who run the Internet (Google, Amazon, FB, etc.). This. Is. Awesome. Hopefully, their study will show negative impacts with a little help from these giants.

Dear Asshole Kids Rioting in Penn State

What if you were the ones that had been raped right up your asses and Paterno literally did next to nothing after being informed? Would you worthless fags still be standing by his side and flipping vans? I think not. I think you'd be in therapy.