Gap's Penis is Happy

God I love children of Hollywood. Get slutty!

If I may be serious for a moment.

/pointing to self

See? This is my serious face.

Now, I've read some pretty hurtful things about notorious whore and drug addict, Scarlett Johansson.

I think everyone is being a little too hard on her. I mean, so what if she's got a little bit of blubber on her legs and ass? I'd still pound her for days on end. Until I died of dehydration. I can't help it, I'm just passionate.

You know she fucked Benicio Del Toro in an elevator once? Yeah, total whore. You need these women feeling good! They get depressed and they stop elevator fucking. Do you want her to stop elevator fucking? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Just because she's rich and conceited doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings. And those feelings have been hurt. I think thesuperficial.com and wwtdd.com owe this cum-guzzling, Ryan Reynolds divorcing cunt an apology.

/adjusts scarf

we're waiting...