RE: Gap's reaction to Pembry's last post

RE: Cat's question

Cat,

"Go To" is a meal that Pembry thinks he invented. It's actually just Hamburger Helper, but it's his favorite meal of all-time, so we just let him go on believing he invented something that was already in mass production and available to the general public.

Yours in Christ,

  Gap

Speaking of boners

I was unaware that Lolo Jones is a virgin.

How can this be? She's fucking hot.

Are you religious? Actually a dude? I've modified a lovely meme to help explain why I think she's still not giving it up.

That's right! Get in here Fassbender, we gotta get that hot lady's vag opened up for business.




They sure do, David, they sure do.

/chugs champagne

Wil Wheaton: He's not only Sheldon Cooper's nemesis

I've been watching The Big Bang Theory for a while now, and I just love it. Wil Wheaton is a reoccuring character and he's one of Sheldon Cooper's main adversaries.


Wil also blogs quite a bit. He's crusading for Bit Torrent sites now.

It's nice of him to try, but legit open source software available for torrenting makes up maybe 8% of all torrents. The rest is movies, music, porno, and pirated software. I'm not for shutting it down, but let's not stand around saying it's not solely for stealing. It is.

Also, I seriously need to fuck every hole Kaley Cuoco has. If given half the chance, I'd probably create some new holes and ball them too.

Gap's Penis is Happy

God I love children of Hollywood. Get slutty!

The adventure is about to begin!

This Saturday marks a very interesting time for me, Tommy Jarvis, and another very tall man...We will brew our own beer. We have all the necessary equipment and we've actually attended a class on brewing beer. I forgot most of it as I was pretty hungover when I attended. Tommy seemed to get what was going on and he got his picture in the paper, so I think we'll be good.

The thing that is so wonderful about this endeavor is the price. It's roughly $35 for all the ingredients, and it yields two cases of beer. We're saving almost 50% by brewing it ourselves. I guess there is also the bonding experience, but let's be honest: I'm a sociopath, so that doesn't really do a whole bunch for me...

We're going to be trying an IPA first. I'm a huge IPA fan, so my boner is rock hard. I was actually chugging some Troegs last night and imagining what the beer we are going to brew will taste like. Odds are the color will be off and it'll probably taste like sanitizer because we didn't properly wash out the bottles...

Bilbo Co. is branching out to tech deployments

Any guesses as to what it said?

RE: Brought's stupid Robotcop comment

Goofy Girls Gap Gravitates...Gowards?

Florence Welch! Oh yeah, me so horny! Look at you, trying sooooo hard to act like you don't care what people think. Bilbo and I had a lovely conversation over the weekend about chicks like this. Some hot hipster chick walked by us and it sparked the conversation. Basically we came to the conclusion that chicks like that have perfectly manicured front AND backsides. It's all such a perfectly orchestrated look. They're just as fake as the chicks with huge fake tits and fake tans. They're just trying to attract a different type of man. If you ladies really didn't care, you'd have unkempt bushes and you wouldn't be spending $300 on those hipster glasses. Just be honest. Don't dismiss Bilbo and I so quickly when we walk up and ask to see what your asshole looks like. We're just giving you the attention you so desperately crave. Now tits or GTFO!

Goofy Girls Gap Gravitates Gowards?

Disclaimer: NSFW.

Oh Chloe, you hipster, I love you. I've loved you since you did KIDS. Your scenes made me all bonery. Remember when you got the HIV in it? I'm glad that didn't happen for real. Your damn near constantly nude body would be all shriveled and dead. I mean, I'd still try to have sex with it, but it wouldn't be the same.

Here's a quote from her: "I think it's sexy to be a little bit mysterious."

I couldn't agree more, that's why I wear a ski mask when I rape.

Whoa, so you apparently fell in high heels and knocked out four teeth? That's fascinating. Jimbo actually knocked out some of his chompers falling on a treadmill at my house. He was supposed to be babysitting my little brother and sister, but I guess he just couldn't resist hopping on our family treadmill and killing it.

[funny story redacted]

Chloe, I guess what I'm trying to say is...I want to eat your ass.

Love,

Gap

Dear Jesus,

Gap here, I just want to say that I love you. I think we should hangout more. I feel like we share common interests. Maybe if we just went to a bar and had some wings, you'd feel the same way I do...

I want to do karaoke with you. I want to take ballroom dancing classes with you. I want buy a dog and raise it with you. I want to share an ice cream float with you. I wanna reenact that spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp with you. I want to sign your yearbook. I want to KIT with you. I want to drive to the ocean with you. I want to share music recommendations with you. I want to gchat with you. I want to light farts during a sleepover with you. I want to play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on NES with you. I want to shoot guns with you. I want to workout with you. I want to play Words with Friends with you. I want to watch DVR'd episodes of Archer with you. I want to smite Bilbo with you. I want to go to a strip club with you. I want to eat popcorn with you. I want to trick-or-treat with you. I want to see Dark Knight Rises with you. I want to hangout with Mel Gibson with you. I want to subscribe to Wired and read it with you. I want to talk about you when you're not around. I want to get fired from work and live in the mountains with you. I want to create a secret handshake with you. I want to create a search engine that's better than Google with you. I want to blog with you.

Some men just want to watch the world burn

Well, looks like Anonymous is responsible for the porn on Facebook.

I hardly see how this is "taking down Facebook" as they claimed they were going to do. I don't have a FB account, so my knowledge of this incident has been pieced together, mostly from sugar packets I find on the ground. I really miss LULZSEC. Those guys were much funnier. These Anonops guys are all doom and gloom. Hijacking FB accounts and posting porno isn't really taking down FB either. It's just an inconvenience.

God, I hope Viv doesn't get hijacked...there is nothing worse than explaining computer stuff to her.

Ode to the Body Pillow

Perhaps one of the single greatest inventions of all-time, the body pillow has revolutionized wet dreaming as we know it.

Before body pillows, men would grind their boners into their thighs, lady friends, or their mattress. None of which really helped the wet dream. Thankfully, body pillows provided the answer to that problem.

I can't tell you how many times I've woken up mid-thrust with my body pillow securely gripped between my legs. Sure, my night's sleep has been ruined by my over active dreaming, but it was worth it. Fast as I could, I'd try to fall back asleep, hoping to pick up where I left off. Most of the time I ended up just having a nightmare, but it's nice to know old body pillow was there. Ready.