RE: Cat's question

Cat,

"Go To" is a meal that Pembry thinks he invented. It's actually just Hamburger Helper, but it's his favorite meal of all-time, so we just let him go on believing he invented something that was already in mass production and available to the general public.

Yours in Christ,

  Gap

Cape Thrust

(Poor Cat heads to her first day of summer classes)

(Inside Drama Auditorium)

Cat: Hi. I'm here for the drama class.

 
          
Pembry: Oops. Am I busted?



 
                
Cat: No.

Pembry: I hope not.
               

Cat: You can't eat Go To in school.

              

Pembry: Privilege of the professional. Eases inhibitions.             

 

Pembry: You down here for drama?

/Cat eats some Go To 

Cat: Yeah. Are you the drama teacher?

/Pembry shakes head and scarfs down Go To 

Pembry: And you're, let me guess...Fact Checker?
                   

Cat: No. I'm, uh...Cat Jensen.                   

Pembry: Cat? Oh,we spoke last night.                   

Cat: Yeah.                   

Pembry: Oh, I'm sorry. How rude. 

/Pembry boxes up Go To and hands it to Cat

Pembry: I'm gonna give this to you.

Cat: You know, when we spoke on the phone last night?

Pembry: Mm-hmm.                   

Cat: Um... you really made sense to me and...I thought a lot.

Pembry: Those are human truths, darlin'. That's what it's all 

about. 

Pembry: See the book you have, American Psycho?

Pembry: It's all about self-discovery, the inner voyage.

Cat: I like the end where, um...Patricks's journey...

It was really, uh, mystical, you know. 

And it was almost like a pilgrimage?                   

Pembry: Almost like a cop-out, if you ask me.


Pembry: The novel is what you would call a "rapey a clef. "
                   

Pembry: You know what that is?

Cat: I'm not sure.

Pembry: Nonetheless, you can't escape your demons just by 

leaving Denmark.

Cat: Wait a second. Um... where are you from?

                   

Pembry: Where am I from?

Cat: Yeah.                  

Pembry: Where do you think I'm from?
                   

Cat: I don't know, but...

Pembry: If I told you, you gonna get mad at me?

Cat: No.                   

Pembry: I'm from a black forest.



   
Cat: That's funny.



   

                   

Cat: You're not the drama teacher, are you?

Pembry: Maybe I'm the big, bad wolf.

                   

Cat: Um...

Cat: So, you're that guy that's been hanging around the house?

Cat: You're the one that killed my boyfriend?

Pembry: Your boyfriend was killed?
                  

Cat: Yeah. 

Pembry: I didn't even know anything about that. That's a shame. 

That's a damn shame.

/Pembry stifles laugh

Pembry: So, what kinda boyfriend was he?
   
Cat: He was white, and fluffy, and, and, and...

Pembry: Dead.

Cat: Yeah. So, what are you doing here then?

Pembry: Well, I came to meet you, to be honest with you. 

I wanted to meet you, see what you're like. 

I see you're a nice person.

Cat: You're not gonna hurt me, are you?

Pembry: I'm not gonna hurt you at all.

/Pembry puts away Knife Penis

Pembry: Between us there's no hurt. Just a search for truth. 

I mean, did you judge me when you caught me eatin' 

the Go To?

Cat: No.

Pembry: You thought about me last night, didn't you?

Cat: Um, yes, I did.

Pembry: I know. You know, I think I might have found a 

companion, a companion for that long walk to the light. 

Do you mind if I put my arm around you?                   

Cat: Um...Um...It's okay. No, I don't mind.

Personal Pussycat Pics!

We here are Weakthrust are constantly striving to bring you topnotch entertainment. And it is with that in mind that we trot out our newest weekly thread:

Personal Pussycat Pics! or LOOKIT DAT KITTEH!

In this segment, we'll post pictures of our kittehs.I'm sure at least 2/3s of our authors will just love this segment, along with two of our contributors. If you would like to submit your cat pictures for the post, please email them to me. All are welcome to join in the posting. Cat, we'd love to see pics of your pussy too.

LOOKIT DAT KITTEH!!!!

Jim Pembry:

LOOKIT DAT KITEH!!!!

Tommy Jarvis:

 LOOKIT DAT KITTEH!!!


Turd:

LOOKIT DAT KITTEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*


*-Editor's Note: I'm screaming that every time I post a cat picture. My boss is really getting creeped out.

You shot the zombie Flanders!

Well Jimbo, I'm glad you're totally on board with the anti-robots and A.I. bullshit that these nerdy fucks keep creating. What are you trying to do, wipe us off the face of the Earth, ya jackasses?!?!??!

I've been screaming about this shit for a while now.

Quite a while.

Perhaps long enough to annoy....

So, it's nice we can hate the same stuff.

Although, I really think you should get on the anti-zombie movement with me too. Being ripped apart by zombies is not cool. I'd rather be strapped to a Matrix. At least the majority of people aren't aware they're in the Matrix. Everyone would be aware of their appendages being torn from their body and their intestines being devoured. The military is only gonna do so much. Odds are they'd kill more non infected people than infected. God forbid they just mail it in and quarantine us, like those lousy English bastards did in 28 days later. There would be nothing more horrific than knowing your government gave up and just locked you in with the zombies...You're gonna run outta ammunition, food, and hope real soon. Then you and your loved ones will be ripped to shreds.All because you didn't take the zombie problem seriously. Take matters into your own hands, dammit! Stop waiting for someone else to shoot something for  you!

A trip across the pond II (GENIUS TAKES TIME!!!)

(Swinging London)

Pembry: Those guys are such idiots. I hope they die in that pub. I hope they die and go straight to Hell.

(Back at Pub)

Gap and Brought:  WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!

Gap: British people fucking rule. All they do is drink, fuck, fight, and not brush their teeth.

Brought: I couldn't be less dead if I tried. How 'bout you, Jimbo?

/Gap and Brought look around

Gap: Uh, where did Pembry go?

Brought: England?

Gap: We gotta find him!

Brought: And ruin whatever he's doing!

/Gap and Brought run out of pub

(London Mansion)

Pembry: OK. It's now or never. You didn't come all this way for nothing. 

/Pembry scrambles out of cab and runs up to front of mansion

(Mansion door flies open)

Margaret: What is the meaning of all this?

Pembry: Chuh-chuh! Margaret, my name is Jim Pembry, I just wanna talk to you...dammit.

Margaret: I shall have you horse-whipped for this!

Pembry: Please, just hear me out. I've come a long way to profess my love for you.

Margaret: What?

Pembry: Listen. You're the Iron Lady I've needed on my arm for years. Your uncompromising stance on literally everything is something I've always loved about you. When I look at you, I see a kindred spirit. I see someone who understands me. I feel like we were cast from the same mould, then God took that mould, smashed it to pieces and killed the angel that made it. I need you, not just your Google image results. Please, be mine.

/awkward silence

Margaret: Alright.

Pembry: Now, I thought you were gonna say that and I think you should re-...wait, what?

Margaret: That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. 

Pembry: You do?

Margaret: Yes, and you look like you could give me quite the rogering. 

Pembry: And how!

Margaret: Before we're on our way, would you like to come inside and help me randomly fire some of my staff? It's ever so much fun.

Pembry: Would I!!!

/Pembry starts to strut towards Margaret

(off in the distance, but getting annoyingly close)

(the roar of and engine and faint chanting)

"Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy."

Gap: Look out!

(Doors fly open)

Bilbo: Oh thank God my sword wasn't damaged in the crash.

/Bilbo immediately thrusts sword into Margaret

Gap: Oh SHE DEAD! (fumbling with bowtie) Seriously, does anybody know how to tie this fucking tie?

Bilbo: It's a bowt-

Pembry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You fucking assholes! You killed her!

Bilbo: Who, Austin Powers?

Pembry: You killed my beloved, you fucking idiot! I knew you guys were gonna ruin this trip. Once, just once, can I go somewhere without either one of you raping, killing, bilboing, or knife penising someone?

Bilbo: Something, once they're dead, they just become a thing.

Gap: Her name is Robert Paulson. Her name is-

Pembry: Her name is Margaret, you fucking dunderheads!

Bilbo: Oh come on buddy, cheer up. You wanna play V for Vendetta?

Pembry: No, I don't want to blow up Parliament! 

Bilbo: No, I'm talking about shaving Natalie Portman's head and torturing her.

/Gap's hand shoots up

Gap: OH OH OH OH! I wanna play!

Pembry: First off, she lives in America. Second, aren't one of you in love with her.

V Gap: Pembry, just because you love something doesn't mean you can't set it free, hunt it, torture it and then make sweet unwanted love to its ass.

V Brought: I like where he's going with this. And look, I've got her right here!

Natalie (crying): Please, please don't hurt me. 

V Gap: God, she's been crying since New York. Starting to work on my nerves. 

V Brought: So, you in Jimbo?

V Pembry: Yes, yes I am...

A trip across the pond.

(Swinging London)

Pembry: Hey, this is really great. I've heard chicks go crazy over foreign guys, and I'm finally gonna find out first hand! First I think I'll soak up some of this wonderful culture.

/cabbie speeds away

Pembry: Hey, nice clock. I've got a Rolex, but no big deal.

/Pembry stares at clock

Pembry: Fuck, I'm hungry. I hope they serve Hamburger Helper over here. Cabbie, the nearest eatery please.

Cabbie: Right away (under breath) ya fuckin' wanker.

Pembry: What?

Cabbie: Right away, Govnah!

/cabbie speeds away

Pembry: Uh, cheerio, may I have an ale and something to eat.

/Pembry gets beaten horribly

(meanwhile)

(mumbling)

Voice: We'd better fucking be here. I god damn hate planes.

Voice2: We're here stupid, I checked with the stewardess, then I grabbed her ass.

/two dirty figures slide down the emergency slide and commandeer a police vehicle

(chanting) Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.....

(back at the pub)

Pembry: So, now that you beat the shit out of me, will you give me something to eat?

Hideous waitress: Sure thing, Yank.

Pembry: CHUH-CHUH!

/Pembry starts inhaling food

(door flies open)

Bilbo: Hey buddy.

/Gap vomits

Gap: Wheeeeew, had some bad fish and chips.

/walks over and starts eating Jimbo's fish and chips

Gap: These are turrible too.

Pembry: What the fuck are you assholes doing here?

Bilbo: We're here to party?

/Bilbo starts to gyrate

/Gap joins in halfway through

Gap: Seriously, when are we going to the match? I've been watching Green Street Hooligans for the last two weeks and I'm ready to get some fightin' done!

Bilbo: Soon. First we gotta get you drunk enough to not feel the punches.

/Gap starts chugging beers on the counter

Gap: Are these supposed to be room temperature?

Bilbo: Yup. Keep going!

Pembry: What are you dickheads doing here?

Bilbo: We missed you, and Gap and I wanted to catch a local footy match.

Pembry: I'm here on business, I don't have time to babysit you idiots.

Gap (slurring and offended): Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOOOOA mister.

/falls off barstool

Bilbo: I gotta get as drunk as him. Excuse me.

Pembry: I'm serious, you fucks need to leave me alone, this is important business!

Gap (slurring) : Right, "business".

/makes JOing motion

/Bilbo starts to actually masturbate to completion

Pembry: I'm fucking out of here.

/Bilbo and Gap continue to fit in at pub

Pembry: Those guys are such shitheads. They'd better not fuck this up for me.

(To be continued)