/plays Reveille on trumpet really loud
Crap, Monday is back and he's furious.
Had some lovely engagement photos taken by Mrs. Tommy Jarvis over the weekend. She's so much better than Mr. Tommy Jarvis. He came along to assist her, but he literally spent the entire time taking photos of himself and uploading them to Instagram. This causes problems for me because I then have to get out my phone, open Instagram, and 'like' every picture he uploads. It's so time consuming.
I bought a bunch of old Batman comics over the weekend too. Viv hates this because I just lock myself in my room and refuse to come out until I've read them. She was trying to get me out on Saturday to the bar with some of her friends but I refused because I had just started one of them and the Olympics were on.
Speaking of Olympics, thank God women's beach volleyball is back on. That's the most wonderful wang-honking sport ever. You ladies know what you're doing in those skimpy bikini bottoms, don't pretend and don't look all offended when you see me feverishly beating off to a paused TV shot of you bending over! COME ON!
Showing posts with label MMT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MMT. Show all posts
Monday, July 30, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Oh, hey Monday, still a dick I see. Showin up all early and shit. Just once could you please be a little less punctual? Fuck...
... Ah, the Olympics are here. Properly filling my weekend sports viewing until football gets here. I always forget that all the good stuff waits about a week to start. The first weekend is mostly just pre-lims, qualifiers and other dumb shit like archery and shooting. At least I got to see Phelps lose twice, once to Lochte and once because of Lochte. Oh, and the womens gymnastics qualifying last night was a treat...
... My unborn child has already begun her buttonsing by refusing to leave the womb. I've never been so proud. She just sits in there all day kicking and pushing and shoving and generally making it hell on the wife by pressing on her bladder every 5 minutes or so to force a bathroom trip. It's just a terrific buttonsing and very impressive work from a fetus. I can't wait till she starts buttonsing Jimbo. He's gonna hate it when she chases his kitties.
... Ah, the Olympics are here. Properly filling my weekend sports viewing until football gets here. I always forget that all the good stuff waits about a week to start. The first weekend is mostly just pre-lims, qualifiers and other dumb shit like archery and shooting. At least I got to see Phelps lose twice, once to Lochte and once because of Lochte. Oh, and the womens gymnastics qualifying last night was a treat...
... My unborn child has already begun her buttonsing by refusing to leave the womb. I've never been so proud. She just sits in there all day kicking and pushing and shoving and generally making it hell on the wife by pressing on her bladder every 5 minutes or so to force a bathroom trip. It's just a terrific buttonsing and very impressive work from a fetus. I can't wait till she starts buttonsing Jimbo. He's gonna hate it when she chases his kitties.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Oh my, what a weekend. Went down and celebrated buddy's 30th birthday party on Saturday, which was lovely. I forgot how loud bars are though. It was really hard to hear what everyone was saying. I just kept asking everyone to repeat themselves until I gave up and started chugging beer. I think I need was of those old timey ear cone things.
I went to see Dark Knight Rises twice in a 24 hour span too, which was nice. It's bittersweet for me though. The first time I sat there almost depressed that this was the last Nolan/Bale Batman I was ever going to get to see. As always, they did a wonderful job pulling the story from the comics and adapting it for the screen. Although, at this point, those aren't really superhero movies. I'd say they're more like crime dramas or something. Comparing that to Spiderman or The Avengers is like apples and oranges. There's a dark tone throughout the movie and it takes itself very seriously. I'm very curious as to what they would've done had Heath survived. While Bane is the villain in Batman's greatest story, The Joker is and always has been Batman's greatest foe. The two could never coexist in one movie, so it would've been really interesting to see what he'd have done. Spoilers after the jump!
The wonderful thing about Bane is that he is Batman's physical and intellectual equal, some would argue his superior. You never get to see that with other Batman villains. There's something about watching Batman confront someone he realizes he cannot beat. Bale does a phenomenal job conveying the despair he feels in his first battle with Bane. It's basically what The Matrix tries to capture with Agent Smith and Neo, but it never works, because two of those films were terrible. You always want to pull for a hero that knows he cannot win, but persists anyway.
Catwoman was great in the movie, and I'm not just saying that because I want to bury my wang between Anne Hathaway's cans and go to town. This was the truest adaptation of her from the comics. She is a two dimensional character in the comics, so it's really hard to give her a deep storyline. Nolan did a great job sprinkling her in. She's selfish but she has a good heart and she's essentially a femme fatale. It was masterfully done.
I'm not here to argue weak points of the film. I've read a few reviews where people bash the predictability of the film...Um, good typically triumphs over evil...what the fuck did you think was going to happen in the end? The bomb goes off and levels Gotham? You're stupid. All of the other minor gripes were the length of the film (I wish it would've been longer) and other lamer shit. I don't really take minor plot holes into consideration either. A certain amount of willful suspension of disbelief has to be made with every movie, so just deal with it...
And now, Tom Hardy. What a lovely man. Excellent casting as Bane. He was basically unable to use half of his face, so his use of body language was phenomenal. They also did a great job shooting it in such a way that he seems much larger than Batman. In the comics, Bane hulks over everyone.
Robin. Oh Robin. Everyone hates Robin. Fun Fact: DC comics had a poll for the fans to decide what happens to Robin in one of their storylines. He was captured by The Joker and the fans voted on what was going to happen to him. They chose to have The Joker kill him. It was a landslide. All that aside, Robin Blake in this was great. There have been many Robins, this one was supposed to Tim Drake, I believe. Now, my assumption is that he actually takes up the mantle of the bat, and does not actually become Robin.
The war for Gotham finale was just tremendous too. Such a great way for Batman to hand the city back to the citizens and be remembered as a hero. I think the movie would've been more powerful had he died and been "carried back on his shield", but I'm happy that he lived and started a new life. It's a fitting end that is uplifting and appropriate for the trilogy's conclusion.
My final note about the film is Talia al Ghul. There's way to much history between her and Batman to really get into (They fucked and she had Batman's kid!). I do like that everything came back to Ra's, The League of Shadows and the destruction of Gotham. Trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something new, and Nolan did a fantastic job with that.
I went to see Dark Knight Rises twice in a 24 hour span too, which was nice. It's bittersweet for me though. The first time I sat there almost depressed that this was the last Nolan/Bale Batman I was ever going to get to see. As always, they did a wonderful job pulling the story from the comics and adapting it for the screen. Although, at this point, those aren't really superhero movies. I'd say they're more like crime dramas or something. Comparing that to Spiderman or The Avengers is like apples and oranges. There's a dark tone throughout the movie and it takes itself very seriously. I'm very curious as to what they would've done had Heath survived. While Bane is the villain in Batman's greatest story, The Joker is and always has been Batman's greatest foe. The two could never coexist in one movie, so it would've been really interesting to see what he'd have done. Spoilers after the jump!
The wonderful thing about Bane is that he is Batman's physical and intellectual equal, some would argue his superior. You never get to see that with other Batman villains. There's something about watching Batman confront someone he realizes he cannot beat. Bale does a phenomenal job conveying the despair he feels in his first battle with Bane. It's basically what The Matrix tries to capture with Agent Smith and Neo, but it never works, because two of those films were terrible. You always want to pull for a hero that knows he cannot win, but persists anyway.
Catwoman was great in the movie, and I'm not just saying that because I want to bury my wang between Anne Hathaway's cans and go to town. This was the truest adaptation of her from the comics. She is a two dimensional character in the comics, so it's really hard to give her a deep storyline. Nolan did a great job sprinkling her in. She's selfish but she has a good heart and she's essentially a femme fatale. It was masterfully done.
I'm not here to argue weak points of the film. I've read a few reviews where people bash the predictability of the film...Um, good typically triumphs over evil...what the fuck did you think was going to happen in the end? The bomb goes off and levels Gotham? You're stupid. All of the other minor gripes were the length of the film (I wish it would've been longer) and other lamer shit. I don't really take minor plot holes into consideration either. A certain amount of willful suspension of disbelief has to be made with every movie, so just deal with it...
And now, Tom Hardy. What a lovely man. Excellent casting as Bane. He was basically unable to use half of his face, so his use of body language was phenomenal. They also did a great job shooting it in such a way that he seems much larger than Batman. In the comics, Bane hulks over everyone.
Robin. Oh Robin. Everyone hates Robin. Fun Fact: DC comics had a poll for the fans to decide what happens to Robin in one of their storylines. He was captured by The Joker and the fans voted on what was going to happen to him. They chose to have The Joker kill him. It was a landslide. All that aside, Robin Blake in this was great. There have been many Robins, this one was supposed to Tim Drake, I believe. Now, my assumption is that he actually takes up the mantle of the bat, and does not actually become Robin.
The war for Gotham finale was just tremendous too. Such a great way for Batman to hand the city back to the citizens and be remembered as a hero. I think the movie would've been more powerful had he died and been "carried back on his shield", but I'm happy that he lived and started a new life. It's a fitting end that is uplifting and appropriate for the trilogy's conclusion.
My final note about the film is Talia al Ghul. There's way to much history between her and Batman to really get into (They fucked and she had Batman's kid!). I do like that everything came back to Ra's, The League of Shadows and the destruction of Gotham. Trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something new, and Nolan did a fantastic job with that.
Monday Morning Thoughts
Oh ho ho BABY! You can't get me down Monday because I saw fucking Dark Knight Rises! HA! Anyways...
... Like I said, saw DKR. Loved it. LOVED IT! Aside from saying that I have a serious mancrush on Tom Hardy these days and Marion Cotillard's forehead mole is stunningly gross on IMAX, I'm not going to get into the nuts and bolts. I'm excitedly waiting for Gap to do that. He knows a fuckload about Batman...
... So Penn State is getting unprecedented sanctions against the football program. Terrific. I know why the NCAA has to do it. They have no choice. This is an unprecedented scandal that traces directly to protecting a brand. But for me, it all goes back to how sanctions like this are handed out. It's a shame new regimes and players constantly have to pay the price for the mistakes of people who had nothing to do with them. Did Kiffin's USC have anything to do with Carroll and Bush? No. Did Al Golden use Nevin Shapiro to get recruits? Nope. And have any players who passed through Penn State have anything to do with covering up Sandusky's molestation? Not in the least (except McQueary, but by then he was a coach, not a player). I feel bad for the kids on this team. I feel bad for the new coaching staff. I feel worst for the victims of Sandusky though and that is why I have no problem with the NCAA doing what they have to do. I just wish there was a different way of handling college football scandals that didn't include punishing kids who weren't even there yet. (see Barkley, Matt, who couldn't compete for a national championship until his senior year of college because some asshole took a quarter million dollars from a USC booster when Barkley was a freshman in high school).
... Like I said, saw DKR. Loved it. LOVED IT! Aside from saying that I have a serious mancrush on Tom Hardy these days and Marion Cotillard's forehead mole is stunningly gross on IMAX, I'm not going to get into the nuts and bolts. I'm excitedly waiting for Gap to do that. He knows a fuckload about Batman...
... So Penn State is getting unprecedented sanctions against the football program. Terrific. I know why the NCAA has to do it. They have no choice. This is an unprecedented scandal that traces directly to protecting a brand. But for me, it all goes back to how sanctions like this are handed out. It's a shame new regimes and players constantly have to pay the price for the mistakes of people who had nothing to do with them. Did Kiffin's USC have anything to do with Carroll and Bush? No. Did Al Golden use Nevin Shapiro to get recruits? Nope. And have any players who passed through Penn State have anything to do with covering up Sandusky's molestation? Not in the least (except McQueary, but by then he was a coach, not a player). I feel bad for the kids on this team. I feel bad for the new coaching staff. I feel worst for the victims of Sandusky though and that is why I have no problem with the NCAA doing what they have to do. I just wish there was a different way of handling college football scandals that didn't include punishing kids who weren't even there yet. (see Barkley, Matt, who couldn't compete for a national championship until his senior year of college because some asshole took a quarter million dollars from a USC booster when Barkley was a freshman in high school).
Monday, July 16, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Fuck Monday. Fuck oppressive heat. Fuck everything...
... at least Breaking Bad is back. If you're not watching that show you should die this instant because you are a goddamn idiot...
... Batman will be here soon, like Gap said. Happy times are here again...
... I really hope Gap doesn't get one of those urethra parasites from swimming in that lake...
... I envy Turd this morning, as his wife is no longer very pregnant. Very pregnant women are the worst.
... at least Breaking Bad is back. If you're not watching that show you should die this instant because you are a goddamn idiot...
... Batman will be here soon, like Gap said. Happy times are here again...
... I really hope Gap doesn't get one of those urethra parasites from swimming in that lake...
... I envy Turd this morning, as his wife is no longer very pregnant. Very pregnant women are the worst.
Monday Morning Thoughts
Ahhhhh...spent a lovely weekend in the mountains with the family. Lake swimming, gun shooting, BBQ eating and fire starting. That all came to a screeching halt and now I'm back in hell. Whatever, BATMAN is about to happen, so I'm not too mad.
Also, congrats to Turd, who welcomed his second child into the world over the weekend as well. When reached for comment, he was heard to remark, "Peter Pan's gots kids?"
It also looks like we're being thrust back into another fucking heatwave. Just go ahead and die, Mother Nature, you dumb cunt. I DON'T HAVE A POOL, SO YOU BEING HOT AS FUCK DOESN'T HELP ME! Where were you when I had a pool? You dumb bitch! You couldn't get over76 degrees back then, stupid whore, slut, bitch. Come over here, I'm gonna punch the whore outta ya.
Also, congrats to Turd, who welcomed his second child into the world over the weekend as well. When reached for comment, he was heard to remark, "Peter Pan's gots kids?"
It also looks like we're being thrust back into another fucking heatwave. Just go ahead and die, Mother Nature, you dumb cunt. I DON'T HAVE A POOL, SO YOU BEING HOT AS FUCK DOESN'T HELP ME! Where were you when I had a pool? You dumb bitch! You couldn't get over76 degrees back then, stupid whore, slut, bitch. Come over here, I'm gonna punch the whore outta ya.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
WAAAAAH! Go away, Mr. Monday. Had a lovely evening out in the city with Viv. Took her to her favorite restaurant. Then, we met up with Pembry! Viv opened the floodgates by telling me it was ok to see what he was up to. He took us out to a lovely microbrew bar, but it was already kind of ruined for me. I had purchased some lovely double hop IPA earlier in the evening, but failed to notice the alcohol content until it was too late. 10-fucking-%. Well....oops. Probably shouldn't have had three of those. We then had red wine at dinner, and I took Viv to a bar down the street where we met Pembry. Problem is, I had a gin and tonic there for some reason. And that bartender makes her G&Ts fucking STRONG. I was already pretty tanked when we got to the other bar. Once I was there, I stupidly ordered another 10% IPA and proceeded to drink a few of those. Viv wanted to go out to a few more bars, but when I've had that much to drink, I'm a ticking time bomb: You have to get me to bed and reach minimum safe distance within a few minutes.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Oh. God. Help. Me.
Jesus, I feel horrible. Went out drinking on Saturday, and followed that up with a trip to a brewery with Tommy Jarvis on Sunday. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Tommy also started a vodka and bear claw diet, which is as annoying as it sounds.
Watching Spain obliterate Italy was terrible. All I wanted to see was a good game. Instead I got to watch a superior team literally fist-fuck another, poopier team. It should have been Germany in there against Spain!!!
I also watched Prometheus over the weekend. That was a lovely movie. Bilbo is right: Fassbender is just fucking wonderful. I could watch him act forever and ever. I wasn't aware that everyone on the Internet flipped out about not getting their answers. The movie has a main theme, and it's pretty easy to follow, as Bilbo said.
Jesus, I feel horrible. Went out drinking on Saturday, and followed that up with a trip to a brewery with Tommy Jarvis on Sunday. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Tommy also started a vodka and bear claw diet, which is as annoying as it sounds.
Watching Spain obliterate Italy was terrible. All I wanted to see was a good game. Instead I got to watch a superior team literally fist-fuck another, poopier team. It should have been Germany in there against Spain!!!
I also watched Prometheus over the weekend. That was a lovely movie. Bilbo is right: Fassbender is just fucking wonderful. I could watch him act forever and ever. I wasn't aware that everyone on the Internet flipped out about not getting their answers. The movie has a main theme, and it's pretty easy to follow, as Bilbo said.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Great, my fiber bar just rolled across my dirty desk...So, it's gonna be that kinda week.
Viv took me out to a brewfest this weekend. It was lovely, but I promptly proceeded to get shithoused. OH, YOU'VE GOT AN 8.7% IPA?!?! WELL, GIVE ME THIRTY OF THEM! They also had free pulled pork sandwiches. I ran around murdering those and chatting with some of the brew masters. The one thing I hate about those places is seeing the stand with the hot bitch working it. They know their beer is shit, but if they get a pretty face serving it, they'll at least get their name out. FUCK YOU. If your beer isn't good enough to stand on its own merits, you shouldn't have brought it here. Get that cunt out of the stand, she knows nothing about the swill she's trying to force us to drink.OHHHH, should we be able to detect some chocolate notes in this one?!?!? Question: do you have any clue what a porter is? I didn't think so! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go masturbate in those portable toilets to the thought of your luscious cans.
/runs off
Well, Lebron got his ring and now the creepy ESPN redemption storyline can begin. It's really unsettling how hard ESPN is pumping his cock now. Like they just couldn't wait for him to be handed his title so they could start all these "Lebron isn't such a bad guy now" and "He's grown in the last year". Holy fuck. Shut up. He's still a self-centered assfag. Just because you dicks want us to love him again doesn't mean the majority of us are just gonna leap on the bandwagon. Get fucked and die forever. Thanks Drew.
Viv took me out to a brewfest this weekend. It was lovely, but I promptly proceeded to get shithoused. OH, YOU'VE GOT AN 8.7% IPA?!?! WELL, GIVE ME THIRTY OF THEM! They also had free pulled pork sandwiches. I ran around murdering those and chatting with some of the brew masters. The one thing I hate about those places is seeing the stand with the hot bitch working it. They know their beer is shit, but if they get a pretty face serving it, they'll at least get their name out. FUCK YOU. If your beer isn't good enough to stand on its own merits, you shouldn't have brought it here. Get that cunt out of the stand, she knows nothing about the swill she's trying to force us to drink.OHHHH, should we be able to detect some chocolate notes in this one?!?!? Question: do you have any clue what a porter is? I didn't think so! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go masturbate in those portable toilets to the thought of your luscious cans.
/runs off
Well, Lebron got his ring and now the creepy ESPN redemption storyline can begin. It's really unsettling how hard ESPN is pumping his cock now. Like they just couldn't wait for him to be handed his title so they could start all these "Lebron isn't such a bad guy now" and "He's grown in the last year". Holy fuck. Shut up. He's still a self-centered assfag. Just because you dicks want us to love him again doesn't mean the majority of us are just gonna leap on the bandwagon. Get fucked and die forever. Thanks Drew.
Monday Morning Thoughts
Fucking hell. These weekends flying by are really fucking up my summer. It's almost July already? The fuck, time? Why do you have to fuck me out of Summer? FUCK YOU! Ugh...
... The Three Lions have officially bowed out of Euro 2012 in the most infuriating way possible: Penalty kicks. Hey Roy Hodgson, just a small thought here, but if you just spent pool play ferociously shielding your keeper from having to make a save, you probably should play for FUCKING PENALTY KICKS! I believe I counted 2 instances where England actually held possession in Italy's end during extra time. TWO. And they were one and done tries. The rest of the extra time was spent sweating fucking bullets while Italy's offense pounded away at the England defense. It's time to get a manager in there willing to try a bit of offensive creativity. Especially with some of the youngsters coming up. Please, PLEASE find a coach willing to get the most out of Nick Powell come 2014...
... Thank fuck Euro 2012 is on though because, well, I fucking miss football. How long till it comes back? End of summer? Oh, well then I rescind my rant at the top of this post because football. Please rush me through my summer, Mr. Calendar. Get me to September ASAP. Er, no, just August. Don't want to miss that new season of Hard Knocks...
... I like pools. But I fucking hate community pools. Dear everyone I live near, please stay the fuck away from the pool when I would like to go. I want to drink beers, splash around, and listen to obnoxious music while not seeing or hearing anyone else. Consider my pool hours ALL THE FUCKING TIME. GET THE FUCK OUT. THIS IS MY POOL NOW!
... The Three Lions have officially bowed out of Euro 2012 in the most infuriating way possible: Penalty kicks. Hey Roy Hodgson, just a small thought here, but if you just spent pool play ferociously shielding your keeper from having to make a save, you probably should play for FUCKING PENALTY KICKS! I believe I counted 2 instances where England actually held possession in Italy's end during extra time. TWO. And they were one and done tries. The rest of the extra time was spent sweating fucking bullets while Italy's offense pounded away at the England defense. It's time to get a manager in there willing to try a bit of offensive creativity. Especially with some of the youngsters coming up. Please, PLEASE find a coach willing to get the most out of Nick Powell come 2014...
... Thank fuck Euro 2012 is on though because, well, I fucking miss football. How long till it comes back? End of summer? Oh, well then I rescind my rant at the top of this post because football. Please rush me through my summer, Mr. Calendar. Get me to September ASAP. Er, no, just August. Don't want to miss that new season of Hard Knocks...
... I like pools. But I fucking hate community pools. Dear everyone I live near, please stay the fuck away from the pool when I would like to go. I want to drink beers, splash around, and listen to obnoxious music while not seeing or hearing anyone else. Consider my pool hours ALL THE FUCKING TIME. GET THE FUCK OUT. THIS IS MY POOL NOW!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Whoa, I AM SO SORRY, Mr. Liver. Went out to a bar crawl with Jimbo, Viv, and a micro Mexican. We had a lovely time, dressed as nerds. Yes, it was a themed bar crawl and the theme was nerds. It turned out to be a bad idea, because people still hate nerds and we were persecuted everywhere we went. Luckily, by the third bar I was too drunk to care.
Die Heat. God, I cannot stand to watch another minute of the NBA Finals. It's drawing closer and closer to the inevitable Heat win. Then we all have to sit around and watch Lebron congratulate himself for winning in the face of adversity. Go fucking die, you smug fuck. You still bricked that huge shot last night, fag.
Die Heat. God, I cannot stand to watch another minute of the NBA Finals. It's drawing closer and closer to the inevitable Heat win. Then we all have to sit around and watch Lebron congratulate himself for winning in the face of adversity. Go fucking die, you smug fuck. You still bricked that huge shot last night, fag.
Monday Morning Thoughts
Fuck, I was really hoping to have a good weekend, but I'm pretty sure Saturday and most of Sunday never showed. I was literally JUST at work. What the fuck Monday? God you're a dick...
... So the Heat are up 2-1 and seem to be cruising to a championship. The good news? They were in this exact position last year. The bad news? It's fucking infuriating. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OKC AND GET IT TOGETHER FAST!!! Fuck me. All I wanted was for the Heat to get absolutely demolished in 4 or 5 games. Was that so much to ask? You know what? I'm just gonna go ahead and quit being a basketball fan so I can stop caring so much about Lebron NOT winning championships. This shit is just too much and it keeps me up way to late because the league is a cunt and can't show a goddamn Sunday game in the late afternoon. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I hate fucking everything NBA now. FUUUUUUUCK!
... So the Heat are up 2-1 and seem to be cruising to a championship. The good news? They were in this exact position last year. The bad news? It's fucking infuriating. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OKC AND GET IT TOGETHER FAST!!! Fuck me. All I wanted was for the Heat to get absolutely demolished in 4 or 5 games. Was that so much to ask? You know what? I'm just gonna go ahead and quit being a basketball fan so I can stop caring so much about Lebron NOT winning championships. This shit is just too much and it keeps me up way to late because the league is a cunt and can't show a goddamn Sunday game in the late afternoon. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I hate fucking everything NBA now. FUUUUUUUCK!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm fucking tired. Die forever Lebron. I hope you get obliterated in The Finals by OKC. I'll actually stay up to watch these games in the hope that my hate goes through the TV and kills Lebron and the rest of those assbags.
What a shock, True Blood blows. I really wish I didn't have to watch that show, but Viv makes me. Give me back Game of Thrones, Dexter, Walking Dead and Boardwalk Empire. You can keep this smelly vampire fart. At this point it's a low-level soap opera.
Got to hang out with some of boys this weekend at one of our favorite watering holes. I love it because they're slowly doing less business there. That's right, keep losing customers. Soon it'll just be me in there. TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS! NO TALKING!
What a shock, True Blood blows. I really wish I didn't have to watch that show, but Viv makes me. Give me back Game of Thrones, Dexter, Walking Dead and Boardwalk Empire. You can keep this smelly vampire fart. At this point it's a low-level soap opera.
Got to hang out with some of boys this weekend at one of our favorite watering holes. I love it because they're slowly doing less business there. That's right, keep losing customers. Soon it'll just be me in there. TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS! NO TALKING!
Monday Morning Thoughts
Fuck you Monday. Fuck you real hard...
... As I predicted to Gap last week, the Heat managed to win easy in their last two against the Celtics en route to the NBA Finals. GO THUNDER! Crush them. Please. For fucks sake, please destroy the Heat in a hideously embarrassing way that fractures the Heat so deeply that they can no longer co-exist. For all the people out there mashing the panic button over LBJ getting that ring though, remember this: He dominated Derrick Rose and the Bulls last year in the last games on the conference finals. Even in the clutch. It wasn't until the Finals that he truly shied from the big moment. And that was against an aging Mavericks team. Help us Kevin Durant, you're our only hope...
... Elizabeth Olsen is greater than her sisters because boobs. And onscreen nudity...
... Pregnancy got in the way of seeing Prometheus this weekend, which was really upsetting. Oh well, now I know what I'm doing for Father's Day next weekend...
... (SPOILER ALERT FOR ILLEGAL DOWNLOADING SUMBITCH GAP) Fuck you True Blood. Fuck you for not only teasing me with Tara's death, but then making her fucking IMMORTAL. Are you fucking kidding me? She is quite possibly the worst character in the history of tv and now you decide to give her fucking superpowers? GODFUCKINGDAMNITALLTOHELL! And I saw your fucking "This season..." preview. She's not even in the main fucking plotline. There aren't words for my anger right now.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Wow, I'm in a lot of pain...like literal pain. I must have a pinched nerve in my neck because I can barely move. I hate my life. It's all sadness and violent bowel movements. Fuck off!
Went out drinking with my good buddy Turd on Saturday. We found a lovely outdoor bar that I think we're gonna call home for a while. I also hung out with my mico mexican pal too. It was great because he came strutting into the bar with a shirt that was a little too unbuttoned for my liking. He also had a massive cross necklace prominently displayed. Nice. That'll keep them gays away.
I haven't been watching the NBA playoffs, mainly because I'm not up at midnight. Hey, Jewberg McStern, start the fucking games at a reasonable time for the East Coast, you worthless faggot. We're the sports fans, fucking those roller blading homos in California.
Went out drinking with my good buddy Turd on Saturday. We found a lovely outdoor bar that I think we're gonna call home for a while. I also hung out with my mico mexican pal too. It was great because he came strutting into the bar with a shirt that was a little too unbuttoned for my liking. He also had a massive cross necklace prominently displayed. Nice. That'll keep them gays away.
I haven't been watching the NBA playoffs, mainly because I'm not up at midnight. Hey, Jewberg McStern, start the fucking games at a reasonable time for the East Coast, you worthless faggot. We're the sports fans, fucking those roller blading homos in California.
Monday Morning Thoughts
Oh, hey Monday, you showed up a bit sooner than I expected. What the fuck, dude? You can't ever be a little late? Fucking ever? Goddamnit...
... Watching the officiating in the NBA playoffs is infuriating. I tuned in last night for Heat/C's and watched the refs make bad call after bad call until the Heat managed to tie the game. After a bullshit call on Pierce that was absolutely a charge on Wade, to the point that the announcer AND analyst both immediately jumped on the charge before the ref gave the signal, I just turned off the tv, flipped the remote across the room, and anger-slept. Just once I'd like to sit down and watch a game that the refs didn't affect the outcome of. Just once...
... There is nothing more infuriating about having a kid than having to buy all the shit for it. I had the opportunity to blow a fuckload of money over the weekend on furniture that my kid will inevitably destroy in ways that I can't even begin to imagine yet, but we had to have it. Babys R Us has a fucking goldmine going on right now. Yes, I'd be thrilled to overpay for that crib my kid is going to shit in, puke on, bite and scratch to shit! Thanks! Oh, and how much for that set of bottles? Well that kid is fucking drinking from those till she's 18. Jesus...
... Dear Game of Thrones, I love you. Please come back sooner rather than later. I can't wait to tongue-kiss my tv screen again.
... Watching the officiating in the NBA playoffs is infuriating. I tuned in last night for Heat/C's and watched the refs make bad call after bad call until the Heat managed to tie the game. After a bullshit call on Pierce that was absolutely a charge on Wade, to the point that the announcer AND analyst both immediately jumped on the charge before the ref gave the signal, I just turned off the tv, flipped the remote across the room, and anger-slept. Just once I'd like to sit down and watch a game that the refs didn't affect the outcome of. Just once...
... There is nothing more infuriating about having a kid than having to buy all the shit for it. I had the opportunity to blow a fuckload of money over the weekend on furniture that my kid will inevitably destroy in ways that I can't even begin to imagine yet, but we had to have it. Babys R Us has a fucking goldmine going on right now. Yes, I'd be thrilled to overpay for that crib my kid is going to shit in, puke on, bite and scratch to shit! Thanks! Oh, and how much for that set of bottles? Well that kid is fucking drinking from those till she's 18. Jesus...
... Dear Game of Thrones, I love you. Please come back sooner rather than later. I can't wait to tongue-kiss my tv screen again.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts.... A Day Late
Ugh.... I was kind of hoping I'd never have to return to work. Whatever, at least I avoided Monday this week...
... So it's pretty much an inevitability that the Heat are walking into the NBA Finals. That's quite depressing. Let's just hope that once they get there, they have to play the one team with the athleticism to match them and the Thunder absolutely destroy those cunts. It's gonna be an annoyingly long 5-7 years of hoping and praying the Heat continue to lose Finals appearances. We're in Year 2 and I'm already fucking sick of it. I can't even bring myself to watch the Eastern Finals this year because after that Pacers series, I'm just finished having my stomach turn as two guys fucking dominate good teams. Fuck me...
... Got to see Michael Fassbender's wang in Shame over the weekend. I was hoping (and somewhat expecting after the media hype) to get a good full-on look at that monster, but I was sadly disappointed. All they give are some silhouettes and a shot from behind. Not that I wasn't impressed, I mean, that thing is meaty, but come on Hollywood. I was promised giant dong, not subtle giant dong...
... Another barbeque and my first swim of the season. Fuck I love summer. Hate bugs though. I have a shitload of bug bites now. I even wore Off! for fucks sake. And yet from ankles to forehead (yes, forehead), I have itchy, annoying, angry bug bites. They are the fucking worst.
... So it's pretty much an inevitability that the Heat are walking into the NBA Finals. That's quite depressing. Let's just hope that once they get there, they have to play the one team with the athleticism to match them and the Thunder absolutely destroy those cunts. It's gonna be an annoyingly long 5-7 years of hoping and praying the Heat continue to lose Finals appearances. We're in Year 2 and I'm already fucking sick of it. I can't even bring myself to watch the Eastern Finals this year because after that Pacers series, I'm just finished having my stomach turn as two guys fucking dominate good teams. Fuck me...
... Got to see Michael Fassbender's wang in Shame over the weekend. I was hoping (and somewhat expecting after the media hype) to get a good full-on look at that monster, but I was sadly disappointed. All they give are some silhouettes and a shot from behind. Not that I wasn't impressed, I mean, that thing is meaty, but come on Hollywood. I was promised giant dong, not subtle giant dong...
... Another barbeque and my first swim of the season. Fuck I love summer. Hate bugs though. I have a shitload of bug bites now. I even wore Off! for fucks sake. And yet from ankles to forehead (yes, forehead), I have itchy, annoying, angry bug bites. They are the fucking worst.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Whoa, that was a horrible week of work. Nothing like having everything go wrong. That sure makes the time fly. Thank fucking God this will be a short week. Viv's getting her eyes zapped, so she'll be able to see my penis flying at her without needing glasses. I'm the worst.
Game of Thrones is heading toward its inevitable lame conclusion. I don't even know why I bother watching it now that I'm reading the books. Pointless.
/puts on hipster glasses
That's better.
Die Miami Heat, die and be a cheap funeral. Those old Boston bastards need to demolish Lebron and send that fuck back to Hell.
Game of Thrones is heading toward its inevitable lame conclusion. I don't even know why I bother watching it now that I'm reading the books. Pointless.
/puts on hipster glasses
That's better.
Die Miami Heat, die and be a cheap funeral. Those old Boston bastards need to demolish Lebron and send that fuck back to Hell.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Oh, hey Monday. I see you brought your buddy rain along today. God, you are such an asshole...
... the Lakers managed not to get swept this year so now they have to go ahead and get blown out by at least 25 tonight in Oklahoma City. I look forward to hating watching this tonight...
... The Preakness was AWESOME! I really thought Bodemeister had it sewn up and it would be another year where the Belmont wouldn't matter. I'll be very interested to see if I'll Have Another is able to keep pace and be patient in waiting to make the kick on the backstretch on the longest track. I'd love to see a Triple Crown winner in 3 weeks...
... Attended the first of many summer bbq's over the weekend with spectacular weather. These are the best part of summer aside from Beach. Slammed down some beers, played outdoor drinking games, and ate some delicious food. I missed you Summer....
... Game of Thrones is ramping up to an epic finale to season two. I'm sure Jimbo will be quick to note how superior the books are (books are ALWAYS superior to whatever movie/tv show they spawn), but as a non-reader of the series, I have been extremely pleased with this season. In the immortal words of Bart Scott (two first names, what a fag): CAN"T WAIT!
... the Lakers managed not to get swept this year so now they have to go ahead and get blown out by at least 25 tonight in Oklahoma City. I look forward to hating watching this tonight...
... The Preakness was AWESOME! I really thought Bodemeister had it sewn up and it would be another year where the Belmont wouldn't matter. I'll be very interested to see if I'll Have Another is able to keep pace and be patient in waiting to make the kick on the backstretch on the longest track. I'd love to see a Triple Crown winner in 3 weeks...
... Attended the first of many summer bbq's over the weekend with spectacular weather. These are the best part of summer aside from Beach. Slammed down some beers, played outdoor drinking games, and ate some delicious food. I missed you Summer....
... Game of Thrones is ramping up to an epic finale to season two. I'm sure Jimbo will be quick to note how superior the books are (books are ALWAYS superior to whatever movie/tv show they spawn), but as a non-reader of the series, I have been extremely pleased with this season. In the immortal words of Bart Scott (two first names, what a fag): CAN"T WAIT!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Monday Morning Thoughts
Well, I'm finally back from lovely Virgina. Hey, you got some cool stuff down here. Lots of old timey stuff. It's a shame I got violently ill the last day I was down there. Nothing like some food poisoning to really ramp up the fun. I love the way I got to lay in bed and use two full rolls of toilet paper. Sure was nice to have the chills and a splitting headache too. Thanks, Virginia. By the way, you can take your porkchops and pumpkin soup and shove it.
I saw The Avengers over the weekend. It was good, but not worthy of all the accolades. It's definitely a good popcorn flick, but it shouldn't be hailed as some wonderful masterpiece. That title is reserved for when Dark Knight Rises pulls out its gigantic penis and fucks us all into next Tuesday. Yeah, did you see the latest preview? Good, because that movie is going to leave you breathless, trust me, I've read (masturbated to) the comics it's based on.
I saw The Avengers over the weekend. It was good, but not worthy of all the accolades. It's definitely a good popcorn flick, but it shouldn't be hailed as some wonderful masterpiece. That title is reserved for when Dark Knight Rises pulls out its gigantic penis and fucks us all into next Tuesday. Yeah, did you see the latest preview? Good, because that movie is going to leave you breathless, trust me, I've read (masturbated to) the comics it's based on.
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